DATING EMERGENCY ROOM - A DATING GUIDE

DATING ADVICE - For Those Looking To Heal From Dating Disasters & Find Love!

2013-12-13T13:26:00.009-05:00

Preparation
o Introduction
o How To Be In The Right Perspective For Dating
o How To Start Dating The Right Way
o Isn’t Dating Is Supposed To Be Fun
o How To Get Over Your Dating Limitations
o How To Deal With The Past
o The Power Of Being Available
o What You Need To Do To Prepare On The Outside That Can Affect How You Feel The Inside
o How To Be Happily Single

How To Dive In To The Dating Pool
o Casual Dating & Hook-Ups
o Getting Serious About Your Search for THE ONE
o How To Meet People
o Dating Website Links & Tips On How To Use Them
o Getting Your Mindset Ready For Conversations
o Why It’s So Important To Talk To People You Are Not Attracted To
o How To Get Someone’s Contact Information
o How To Handle Rejection From A Person You Just Met
o How Attraction Works
o Top 10 Pick-Up Lines
o How “Can I Buy You A Drink” Works
o How To Avoid The Number One Mistake In The Dating World
o The Dating Tactic Of Ignoring The Person You Like So They Can Chase You
o Safety Precautions You Should Take Before Going On A Date & Keep In Mind During

How To Conduct The First Date
o The Importance Of Your Physical Appearance
o How To Handle Lateness
o How To Keep Good Eye Contact During A Date
o How The Conversation Should Proceed On Your Date
o Behaviors You’ll Want To Avoid On Your Date
o Master The Art Of The Turn-Around
o Why It’s Not A Good Idea To Over Extend The Date
o Why You Should Not Flirt Before The Second Or Third Date
o Why You should Not Have Sex Right Away
o How To Determine The Outcome Of Your Date
o How To Handle Blind Dates
o Why Dinner Is Not Always The Best Choice For A First Date
o The Proper Way To End A Date That You Are Not Into
o The Proper Way To End A Date You Want To See Again

The Dark Side Of Dating
o How To Keep Your Eye On The Prize After Disappointments
o How To Deal With Feelings Of Jealousy
o How To Deal With A Jealous Partner
o How To Figure Out If You Are Dating A Pick Up Artist, A Serial Dater Or A User
o The Booty Call Trap
o How To Break Up Or End A Relationship The Right Way?
o How To Get Over Being Dumped Very Quickly
o How To Transition Out Of A Relationship And Be Friends If You Were The One Who Ended Things
o How To Survive The Holidays Single

PS: If you wish to have your personal dating questions answered please leave a comment below. It will be sent to me privately. I will be answering them under the “Ask Veltis” section as soon as possible. You are also welcome to leave a comment about this blog below for public viewing.

How To Be In The Right Perspective For Dating

2011-08-19T08:24:00.002-04:00

Your desire to find THE ONE is not a dream, it’s a GOAL that is completely possible for you to achieve.

Many experts will recommend viewing dates like job interviews. Well I agree with them completely. Just as with job interviews, you can’t expect that the first interview will get you a job! You may have to go on hundreds of interviews before you are finally hired. The exact same is as when dating. The first person you’ll go on a date probably won’t be THE ONE. That’s a cold hard fact. Keep that in mind.

On the other hand, the same odds are also for the opposing side. Imagine you are an employer. Understand that you may find someone to fill the position, but they may have what they perceive to be a better offer elsewhere. When dating you might meet someone you think could be your girl or guy, but they decide to date other people. Hey, there is a chance that won’t happen. YOU WON’T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN UNTIL YOU LIVE IT. You can’t rule out the possibility that things could go in a favorable or unfavorable way. It’s like flipping a coin.

There's a chance, although we realistically know the odds.

Then here we have it; the LOGIC to know that the chances are slim! Much of dating is based on logic. This is why it is so important for you to be mentally prepared to KEEP DATING until there is a match. How many? It’s all up to your luck but most important than luck, your BELIEF and DETRERMINATION to find your counterpart, so DON’T GET DISCOURAGED. KEEP AN OPEN MIND and know that you have HUNDREDS OF OPTIONS.

One of the primary reasons people become jaded by dating is due to the fact that it is very hard psychologically to keep meeting prospects, getting to know them and then ultimately having to let them go if it looks like there isn’t a match. Cutting off the emotional ties are not always as easy as turning off a light switch.

In order to be in the right perspective for dating you have to adopt a strong NO-NONSENSE stand point about achieving your goal. You must also be extremely PERSISTENT, PATIENT and NEVER GIVE UP on your goal.

Part of never giving up and being persistent is not SETTLING for relationships that dont work.

Think of being an employer hiring someone to fill a position again. There are certain factors and behaviors you would not accept in an employee no matter how good looking or good they look on paper.

When things go wrong do not let it faze you. It certainly isn't the end of the world. Instead of criticizing yourself, you should be on an elevator saying hello to the next cute stranger you see! Just keep on turning the page until you fulfill your mission. Be like the Terminator!

As I said before, GO ON SEVERAL DATES! And don’t stop until you find THE ONE. No matter how tough situations become you must never forget that and don't let them get you down.

And lastly, I originally began this guide with a hefty list of rules to follow in order to undergo the dating process. However, I suddenly realized that setting rules are part of the problem. It was unfair to state a strict list of rules because life is ever changing and so is the world of dating. The dating process for your parents was much, different than it is for you and the same will be for the next generation.

Ultimately, THERE ARE NO RULES WHEN IT COMES TO TRUE LOVE!

Another reason I decided not to make my advice based on rules, listing a whole bunch of rules implies that dating is a game to play to win.

DATING IS NOT A GAME. Think of terms like “PLAYER” and “USER”. Anyone who looks at dating as if it is a game is not looking to find a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP or is foolishly under the impression that they can trick a "player" into a serious relationship.

And so I leave you with the thought that we should all be brave enough to take risks along this adventure knowing the POSSIBILIES and the DANGERS to AVOID. Love is totally worth it!

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Start Dating The Right Way
o The Dating Advice Menu

How To Start Dating The Right Way

2011-08-18T13:53:00.001-04:00

You might read this section and think to yourself that I am some kind of quack. But this is probably what I consider one of my best dating advice and it requires you to really sit down and have a heart to heart with YOURSELF.

When two people come together to see if there could be a romantic relationship we hope the progression goes from dating, to committed relationship and continues on to engagement and marriage. The additional derivatives can lead us away from that path by choice or by accident such as open relationships, booty calls, and the ever classic one-night-stand.

Dating success begins with a strong foundation of principles that will help you navigate your way through the sometimes murky waters of the dating pool. In my advice I tend to veer towards the SERIOUS search for true love. However, I know that many people have different reasons for dating. For some it’s just a fun thing to do while you casually look for THE ONE or it could be something to keep you from spending time alone. Who knows, it could be something you are doing to make another person jealous. It is important to clearly define how you want to date and be comfortable communicating that to the world.

That is the very first perfect step you need to take!

Visualize the ideal relationship you’d like to have. What kind of relationship are you looking for: serious, casual, or just hook-ups? What do you hope will be the result of your dating? Don’t be afraid of admitting what you really want. You are the captain of this ship. Are you looking for a committed relationship and will be content if it stops there or are you looking for marriage, kids, and the whole nine?

Dating is about you!

Take as long as you need to write down on a piece of paper what kind of relationship you want to find and be totally honest with yourself. Get really SPECIFIC! Don’t hold back. And if it turns out that you are not sure what you want, but you’d be highly influenced by the desires of your future mate, then indicate that too.

If you can’t be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?

You’ve had the heart to heart with yourself and decided exactly what kind of relationship you want. What’s next? Own it and do what is necessary to achieve it.

I once dated a guy for seven months. Very early on in the relationship I asked him where he wanted things to go with us. He said he wasn’t sure but he didn’t want to stop seeing me. I had such a great time with him, against my better judgment, I hung in there for because I believed that he just needed some time to appreciate and value our relationship. What I wasn’t prepared for was that he still wanted to see other people in the end. I was heartbroken.

There are many morals in that story, but the main reason for using it as an example is that I could have avoided a broken heart if I stood up for what I WANTED! I WANTED A RELATIONSHIP! I always regret SETTLING for the uncertainty. I had more faith in thinking it would all work out if I just gave him a chance to get to know me. Many people suffer from secretly hoping that the person that they are dating will change and suddenly appreciate and love them the way they want them to.

Knowing what results YOU want from your dating efforts will actually help you DATE SMARTER!

Embrace what you want, share it, and DATE OTHERS WITH THE SAME DATING GOALS. Don’t take any substitutions. This should be your number one DEAL BREAKER!

So ultimately, know what you want your dating results to be, then find out if your prospect wants the same. If they don’t, it’s time to walk.

DATE SELFISHLY!

Options:
o The Next Topic: Isn’t Dating Is Supposed To Be Fun
o The Dating Advice Menu

Isn’t Dating Is Supposed To Be Fun

2011-08-17T14:41:00.002-04:00

I am going to start off with a crazy concept that many people will criticize me for. I’m taking a big risk sharing this dating secret with you, but I wouldn’t share this if I didn’t think it will make the difference.

Dating for fun is easy. You don't need advice from me on how to date for fun. Anyone can do it. Meet someone and set up a date, meet someone else and set up a date and then repeat repeatedly. No strings attached. You are just having fun. That’s the whole point right?

There will be no disappointments because you are not looking for anything, just someone to go out on a date with.

If it is so much FUN why are so many people unhappy as a result?

Well, here is the problem. Some people think that they can date for fun while seriously looking for love. I hear it all of the time: “I’ll have fun dating until I meet the right one.” Or “I’m just going to see where this relationship will lead. You never know.”

WRONG! It’s terrible dating mistake that people make right from the beginning.

So if you are looking to find a specific kind of RELATIONSHIP you should not be “SEEING WHERE THINGS GO” under the pretense of dating casually. If so, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME! Telling a prospect that you are casually dating until you fall in love, will allow them to TAKE ADVANTAGE of that grey area. You aren't being specific or honest with them... and YOURSELF!

Remember, people who say that they are dating for fun send out the message that they are not dating for a serious relationship. They have made up their mind that they only dating people that they WILL NOT get serious about. Hence, THE OPPOSITE OF SERIOUS IS FUN! You are just filling their time and wasting your own.

Now you were willing to sacrifice the truth (that you really want to find true love) just because you want to seem independent, cool and easygoing. Your friends might have even told you that you should just play it cool or you’ll scare them away. But you are not doing yourself any favors. If your honesty scares off a person who only wants to date casually, that’s a WONDERFUL thing! They will get out of the way so you can focus your energy towards the right path.

If you want to date seriously, be very upfront with yourself and others. Understand what that truly means. It won’t be fun all of the time. It’s not supposed to be. It’s the mission to discover SERIOUS love!

You can have a fun time with your date, but DON'T DATE FOR FUN!

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Get Over Your Dating Limitations
o The Dating Advice Menu

How To Get Over Your Dating Limitations

2009-02-06T08:26:00.001-05:00

It’s so important to know the specific things you like whether it is a specific height, hair color, hair length, ethnicity, music taste, and in many cases even occupation. These are the individuals we consider our TYPE regardless we are their type at all. This laundry list of requirements we feel we MUST have in order to be attracted to an individual.

I had a friend who dated a guy she fell madly in love with. Their relationship ended but ever since then she’s been attracted to the same physical and personality traits of her EX because she is still looking to complete the romantic dream she imagined with him.

Having a TYPE is where most people fail at dating right from the start. It’s like the movie, “Groundhog Day”, reliving the same relationships that don’t work over and over again. What’s even worse is not even realizing that you may actually have a TYPE, if you think you don’t have one. I was like that for a long time.

Eliminate your TYPE and your chances of success will improve.

Only allowing yourself to date your TYPE may be TRAPPING YOU INTO A CYCLE of experiencing the same relationship failures over and over again. Thank God for EXs because they were brought to us to learn how to DATE SMARTER.

Examine all of your past relationships or relationship attempts. Were there any similarities? What went wrong? Were they commitment phobic? Were you always the aggressor or were you passive? Were they abusive? Did they all have the same line of work? Did they have addictions? Did money play a part in the relationship? Did you do whatever they wanted because they were beautiful and too afraid they would leave? Were they too emotional, or not emotional enough? Did you meet them in the same kind of place or through a certain kind of friend? Did things get ugly? Did you do some things out of line? Be completely honest.

Deconstruct every last one of your past relationships and even your crushes. Leave no detail unturned. The idea is not to obsess about the past or to blame yourself. It’s all in the past. You are only trying to find out if there is something in the TYPE of people you are consistently attracted to that commonly leads you toward the very same outcome every time.

This is where you WILL break ground!

In order to overcome the TRAP of desperately needing your TYPE you must identify the part of yourself that needs or craves these people. Sometimes this need further damages our self-worth and ability to feel confident while pursuing new relationships. Think about it and work it through. If you can talk to a therapist about it. Get to the source of the problem so you can complete yourself instead of looking for someone to complete you.

I am probably beating this into the ground, but this dating advice is the key to not only finding true love, but being HAPPILY SINGLE. And ultimately be in full command of your life… YOUR FUTURE. You will not roll over and play dead because some gorgeous guy or girl asks you to. Your heart will not be broken if they walk away.

It’s totally mental.

I’ve been told by some people that they are only attracted to a certain TYPE of person and beginning a relationship without that key element would not be impossible. Fair enough. But what they are saying is that they accept the pain and heartache that goes along with refusing to learn from mistakes.

We run the risk of making the same dating mistakes over and over again every time we eliminate all others to be with just our TYPE. Your TYPE and the people who are most qualified to be your significant other may be worlds apart. Really examine this. You may be SETTING YOUR SIGHTS TOO LOW!

People are wonderfully different from one another, with different skin colors, sizes, shapes, moles, freckles, and the list goes on. There are some things that are turn-ons and turn-offs, but realizing that sometimes the specifics can change if there is some unspecific attraction that you ALLOW to happen.

I urge everyone to take a look at some variations on your specifics that may be just the edge you need to change your success.

DO NOT LOOK FOR FAULTS IN OTHERS. Keep your options as open as you can possibly make them. Know what you like but know where you MUST be flexible and then STRETCH YOUR FLEXIBILITY a bit more. But NEVER set your standards low in the personality department. You should always be picky about how you are treated in a relationship. Focus more on what that individual understands about you and how complimentary they respond to you versus size, height, eye color, hair color and other aesthetics.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Deal With The Past
o The Dating Advice Menu

How To Deal With The Past

2009-02-05T18:55:00.008-05:00

The past often has a lot to do with our reluctance to pursue new romantic endeavors. After a bad romantic experience, we learn to be a little shy about diving right back into the murky waters of dating again. We all have horror stories about how we were rejected or disappointed by our past courtships. I can recall at least 5 of my own personal relationship flops off the top of my head. These memories are emotionally strong and often don't have explanations or closure, which traumatizes us even more. The fear of rejection plays, rewinds, and replays in slow motion in our minds, haunting our present and sabotaging our future. We obsess about the details. We are bitter. We ask "WHY?" We blame ourselves and wonder what we did wrong. We begin to believe that we are undesirable, unwanted, cursed and sometimes even unlovable.

In order to move forward, we must put the past behind us.

Don't blame yourself. You can apologize, but you can't go back and change something that happened in the past. The way to make peace with the past is to be the best person you can be right now. Do what you feel is right and don't compromise your beliefs. Blaming yourself in the present tense is only going to compromise who you are.

YES, the past sucked and it’s back there, with your childhood, High School, and your virginity. Can you relive what happened last week or 10 years ago? IT’S DONE! You’re home free. It’s not going to happen again the same way cause you’re SMARTER and more in tuned with the way things work in the world.

YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO THE PRESENT TO CREATE THE CHANGE YOU WANT FOR YOUR FUTURE!

No matter how difficult your situation, how hard it’s been, you are a desirable catch! Never forget that. You probably have 3 or 4 people who think you are their perfect match, but either you can't see them, they aren't what you are looking for, or the timing is just dead wrong. That's still a great start! Your odds will change and only you can make that happen.

How? BE POSITIVE! I know it's hard to be positive after your heart's been broken and you've been rejected, but your positive attitude is the most crucial element to your dating success. BELIEVE IN LOVE! Know that it is out there just waiting for you! Get into the mindset that the glass is always half full even there is only a drop of water in there!

Options:
o The Next Topic: The Power Of Being Available
o The Dating Advice Menu

The Power Of Being Available

2009-02-04T16:49:00.002-05:00

Being AVAILABLE is a tricky thing. There are so many ways to be available, but the question is being available in the right way. It’s not just being single but being emotionally comfortable and stable in your world as a single person. This kind of availability makes you almost irresistible.

Timing is everything, but it is also a degree of success that is left to luck. Once that moment of opportunity comes your way, YOU MUST BE READY for it. That means get everything out of your way so you can be available.

A lot of us miss our opportunities to meet really awesome dates because we get invested in relationships that eventually leave us unhappy. This person we are dating could be THE ONE if they would just open up, or finally see you for who you truly are. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. You may have to experience this a few times to finally get fed up enough to know exactly when to get out of a relationship that is going nowhere. As soon as you know, you must move on. Don’t wait for the other person to call things off. You are the captain of this ship. If a sailor is not doing his or her job, fire them…

And vice versa if the person you are seeing suddenly stops. Free yourself by freeing your mind of it. This path is about dealing with people who are ready to love. Those who aren’t ready to love are not qualified. They have only made it easier for you to eliminate them from your prospect list. They are not THE ONE.

When I truly learned how to date smarter, I became OK with the fact that there were guys who didn’t WANT me as their girlfriend and came to the mindset that I DIDN’T WANT THEM EITHER. Why? People who don’t want to get to know you or try to understand you are not your concern. They are the detour to your path. Your path should always be towards a true and beautiful life. The people in that path support you, understand you, and WANT you in their lives just as much as you WANT them in yours. You don’t even have to decode their actions. All you have to do to attract them is STOP WASTING YOUR TIME with the people who don’t really WANT a committed relationship with you. BE AVAILABLE for the person who WILL care and who WILL WANT to understand. That person is out there waiting to meet you. You MUST be AVAILABLE.

YOU MUST BE AVAILABLE!

Options:
o The Next Topic: What You Need To Do To Prepare On The Outside That Can Affect How You Feel The Inside
o The Dating Advice Menu

What You Need To Do To Prepare On The Outside That Can Affect How You Feel The Inside

2009-02-01T08:31:00.009-05:00

Before you begin the dating process you must make sure you are not just ready emotionally, but send out ALL of the signals that you are ready to tango! In the animal kingdom, many male and females impress their suitors with colorful visual displays and unique beckoning calls. So it is much the same for humans.

In your case, you are not going to make any drastic changes that you can’t live with, right? So, NO DRASTIC CHANGES. Drastic makeovers are great to shock all of your friends and family, but they can give your date the wrong impression of the real you. The only way that drastic changes will work is if you can keep them up, integrating the upkeep into your lifestyle permanently.

So let's look at your lifestyle and the lifestyle you want. Do you enjoy your lifestyle as it is but you'd like someone to share it with?

Is your lifestyle on the path to what you'd like it to be and you'd like someone to travel there with you?

You are simply going to take an inventory of what you have and make sure that you are living your best lifestyle within your own power. Take the best care of yourself.

Easier said than done. But there are some small steps that you can take to get there. Take as much time as you need.

o REFRESH YOUR CLOSET by donating all of the clothes and shoes that are too old or you do not wear. Keep or purchase a few classic staples in your closet what will keep you looking sharp for the next 6 months to a year in neutral colors like black, brown, or Tan. These colors go with anything. If you need to purchase new items with bright colors, stay within the trends but they must also compliment your body’s shape. If you need direction, try taking a good look at the people you are attracted to and the individuals in their company. It will give you a good idea of how your dress should modify. Take a look at HOW YOUR CLOTHES FIT YOU. Don’t get frustrated if they don’t fit you especially if they are loose in awkward areas. Even clothes on mannequins have to be pinned or altered in many department stores to look like the look of a perfect fit. Consider having them tailored at your local dry cleaning shop.

o JOIN A GYM if you do not belong to one already. Physical attraction has got to start somewhere and you can actively keep that going. Exercise not just to stay or get in shape but to keep a healthy heart, lower your blood pressure, increase your metabolism, and hold on to a younger appearance over all. Besides the health benefits, it can also recharge your sense of accomplishment on a daily basis and you’ll be more confident with your appearance.

o Eat healthy foods; it will keep your body clear of impurities, enhance your health, and increase your positive energy during each day.
Keep yourself busy outside of work like join a group, socialize, or volunteer. By simply adding more to your schedule, you will increase your body's metabolism.

o WHITEN YOUR TEETH to brighten up your smile. It’s a simple way to just put that extra “amaZING” in your smile.

o REFRESH YOUR HAIRSTYLE. Nothing drastic, once again. A little cut, refresh the color. No trendy cuts you will later regret. Keep it simple.
Refresh your mind by PAMPERING YOURSELF with a spa treatment. Facials can do wonders. Treat yourself to a manicure and pedicure.

Work on SELF IMPROVEMENT constantly, mentally and physically. It’s basic and we all know that we should take care of ourselves. But let’s face it, we all slack off every once in a while. You should practice this refreshing system as often as every 3 months at a time and should not stop once you find your dream mate. These activities will keep you in a positive mind set even when you are facing troubles that can pop up unexpectedly.

If you are doing most of this already, then go on and spoil yourself even more! There is nothing to be ashamed of.

BE IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF!

And in turn that will get the world interested in you!

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Be Happily Single
o The Dating Advice Menu

How To Be Happily Single

2009-01-31T18:46:00.004-05:00

Telling someone how to be happily single is as possible as being able to convince a lion to become a vegetarian while you are covered in fresh blood. There is that one in a zillion chance that the lion will actually refrain from taking a bite of you, but it we all pretty much expect that the lion will not pay attention to a word you’re saying and… well you know the rest. I’m not calling you a lion, but life is more or less the lion… hard to figure out and sometimes difficult to change. However, I will feebly try to share my knowledge of how to achieve happiness while being single.

First you need to understand why it is important to be HAPPILY SINGLE while you are looking for THE ONE. When you are happily single you will become IRRISISTABLE to everyone. The best part of being HAPPILY SINGLE is that you won’t notice if people are not interested in you. It won’t even matter in your universe!

The only way to be HAPPILY SINGLE is to BE IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF. I know, I know! You’ve heard it a thousand times and it’s totally fine to call me out on being corny. But seriously, it’s true!

Many people claim to love themselves but I feel as if there is a titanic difference between caring for yourself and truly loving yourself and that is where people get it mixed up. You can care for yourself by providing the best for yourself with outwardly pleasures, such as surrounding yourself with luxury, and treating yourself often. I think those things are great if you can obtain them. But it doesn’t work to just get new shoes, plastic surgery, or new toys. It’s not about what’s happening on the outside, what you look like or how YOU THINK people view you.

It’s about what’s going on inside.

Do you like yourself?

If you were someone else, would you hang out with you?

If so then prove it… Hang out with yourself. Talk to yourself. Ask yourself tough questions. Laugh with yourself.

In order to truly love yourself, you must ENJOY BEING ALONE. You don’t always have to be alone, but when you are alone, you aren’t wishing you could just call someone to join you and it would make it more enjoyable. You should enjoy the time you spend alone.

If you find you don’t like yourself so much, you should not be focusing on physical imperfections. It should be about liking your personality and matching your behavior to others the same as you’d like to be treated. Do you have respect for yourself? Recognize your personality strengths and weaknesses. If you have to see a therapist to work things through, then do it! The act of seeking help is on the road to loving one’s self.

Analyze and MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS. When I say manage your emotions I am not telling you to be fake or dishonest about how you feel, but many negative feelings stem from regret. Being able to manage your emotions means being able to separate how you feel with ultimately making the right choices for your future. You can avoid over or under reacting, focusing your energy toward fulfilling your personal goals. No regrets.

AVOID NEGATIVE PEOPLE. You know who they are. It could be a cousin that always sees the worst in everything and everyone, or a friend that always trash talks or makes you feel small. Make sure that the people around you are people who support you and aren’t bringing you down. I know this is hard to do because there are some people you can’t escape from like coworkers and family. Do what you can to avoid them. It does wonders to help keep a clear mind towards happiness.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE AND REINFORCEMENTS. It will rub off on you, but most of all you must refrain from speaking and thinking negatively yourself.

OCCUPY YOUR FREE TIME. Don’t waste time worrying about all of the things that are not the way you want it in your life on your down time. Do things you like doing any chance you get… hobbies, past times, whatever. The ones that are free are the best because you can do them as often as you’d like. Fill your time with activities that will not bore you or stress you out. You only live once and who knows how long a life will be, so live the best you can every day.

STAY POSITIVE. This is not so easy to achieve when life throws us sucker punches every day, but you have to bounce back as quickly as you possibly can. Always look towards A BETTER TOMORROW and tomorrow is only a day away (just like the song in “Annie” or the last words from” Gone With The Wind”). You have to keep a positive outlook on life in order to be happy. You must be confident in your positive outlook. Let no negative comments by others change your view. There is always a tomorrow. You would not allow someone you loved wallow in sadness, right? Then never do that to yourself.

Smile therapy has always helped me. Think of great thoughts and smile. Put all of your hopes and dreams into that smile. It’s fascinating how your smile becomes infectious.

APRRECIATE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE that support you. Be humble and grateful for life and the gifts in it, though sometimes they seem so few, they are what you have.

The last note I have about loving yourself is to never give up on the possibility of meeting THE ONE. Be CONFIDENT and know that you are on the journey to meeting them. You don’t have to rush into a relationship with DESPERATION. If you get desperate and give in to Mr. or Mrs. Wrong, THE ONE may be passing you by. You must avoid that by staying focused on the definition of the kind of love you are looking for and determining if your suitor is on the same page. If the relationship has you wondering where you stand in the early stages, you must be strong enough to end it. So what, you’ll be alone starting over from scratch. If you love yourself, it’s no big deal.

You must be PATIENT and have FAITH you will get all of the wonderful things you deserve in your life.

These are the keys to being HAPPILY SINGLE!

Options:
o The Next Topic: Casual Dating & Hook-Ups
o The Dating Advice Menu

Casual Dating & Hook-Ups

2009-01-20T08:21:00.008-05:00

If you are looking for EASY HOOK-UPS please pay attention.

The best place to find easy hook ups would be the old-fashioned classifieds, or specific hook up dating websites that are all over the Internet.

The general population is the worst place for you to find this kind of arrangement! It is possible, but tread carefully when dealing with people who say that they are just dating casually… especially just after you said you were doing the same. It’s sad, but within the general population, you will meet people who will actually SETTLE for a hook-up, but are secretly looking for SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS.

When you muster up the nerve to break it to them, that after spending time together, you still want to date around, they may not take it very well. Sometimes the end result can be as simple as a rainfall of tears to a restraining order. You can avoid drama by take your stand making it clear from the beginning.

DON’T SEND OUT MIXED SIGNALS by trying to get to get them to open up about their feelings. When you are asked, where you see yourself in 5 years, you might not want to say that you see yourself married with kids even if it is true. Keep things simple. You shouldn’t be having that conversation with them. It’s totally okay for you to be unsure of what you want, but that is not what you want to leave as an impression to others.

LEAVE NOTHING TO THE IMAGINATION. Don’t try to make the sound of hooking up seem cool by saying that you are just “seeing where things go.” The problem with that statement is the word “things”. It’s vague and leaves much to the imagination. BE COMPLETELY HONEST.

For those who are commitment phobic, just saying, “I don’t want a relationship” is not a fair statement in truth. When you’re engaging with people, you are forming relationships, personal or not. For instance, when describing the people in our lives no matter how insignificant we always say "my", friend, boss, TV repairman, classmate, booty call…

Denying a relationship its validity can cause permanent psychological damage to the person you are seeing. Remember, this is a human being. As well, not validating relationships implies shame. There should be no shame in dating how ever you are doing it.

Options:
o The Next Topic: Getting Serious About Your Search for THE ONE
o The Dating Advice Menu

Getting Serious About Your Search for THE ONE

2009-01-19T19:38:00.004-05:00

In an otherwise perfect world the person you were meant to be with is a friend, colleague or associate that you are already in contact with and you’ll just have to realize what’s already there and fall in love with each other. In the real world, you’ll have to search high and low, travel great distances, conquer your fears, and dodge vicious impostors to find Mr. or Ms. Right.

If you are specifically looking for a serious relationship be very clear what you what you want. But listen to your date carefully when you ask, where would they like to see things go in the long run? There is no way of asking this without scaring someone away. However, this is something you must know. It's also really important to know, if you are looking for a specific type of serious relationship, like an open relationship, or monogamous.

Once you know what you want and you know what they want, is it a match? Will you have to jump through fiery hoops and perform magical rituals in the moonlight in order to have your way? Do you think the person is so drop dead hot, you will be glad to do anything for just the tiniest chance to be with them? Because if you do, THIS IS THE TIME TO END THINGS!

If you decide to stay and settle, this will be the moment you'll always regret not walking away from the relationship.

NEVER EVER SETTLE for alternatives! Nothing for the time being, nothing to get you through the month, etc. Be firm. No matter how goodlooking your date may look remember that nothing is as gorgeous as your heart. Don't get it trampled on by someone who isn't on your level! That’s a big dating mistake… dating someone to get you through the drought.

WAIT for Mr. or Mrs. Right. They could be passing you by as you are still tangled up with Mr. or Mrs. Right Now. I can’t stress that fact enough. BE PATIENT and BE PERSISTENT!

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Meet People
o The Dating Advice Menu

How To Meet People

2009-01-15T08:17:00.006-05:00

Be Resourceful. The very key to begin the dating process is to mentally understand how everything in your life that you come in contact with is a resource! It's up to you to creatively use them to your advantage. See your potential. Look all around you and see the potential for meeting someone to date. It's the same dynamics as making friends of strangers. It's all by chance and it could happen at any time and any place. Think of it... your elevator, the park, the deli, the line at the bank; these are fantastic places to meet new people that are already engraved in the elements within your lifestyle. You don’t have to change a thing, or spend extra money to do it. You only have to change the way you view the world around you. If you put a plan into effect you could meet hundreds of people a week and have an unlimited supply of dating possibilities for years. Mr. or Ms. Right might be among them.

Study People. Study people, even if they aren't your dating type. You'll want to study things like their mannerisms, what music they are hearing from their iPod, what magazines or newspapers they read and so on. Do they look angry all of the time, or do they look like they are pensive. Start noting everything in your brain. It’s not only fun, but also it can help you determine what mannerisms you are attracted to. This will help you to know who they are attracted to and know how to attract them with the things that you can already tell about them. Get to know personality types. It could help you to understand your future dating prospects.

Get Social. SOCIALIZE and meet new people. The more people you meet, the more chances you can meet someone who is right for you. Put yourself in social settings to meet new people. Although, natural settings are great, increase your chances of meeting a new mate by going to places where friends or associates can introduce you to LIKE-MINDED INDIVIDUALS. The Internet is a great resource to meet up with various groups of individuals that may be interesting to meet. And there are so many dating websites for you to choose from. Give it a try!

Tap Into Your Network Of Friends & Family. Allow your friends and family to help go out and see who is available. If you’re going out with a large group of friends, venture away from the group from time to time. It will give you a chance to see what DATING OPTIONS are surrounding you and it will give your potentials a chance to notice you as well. This will also establish some INDEPENDENCE from your buddies so that they know that they don’t have to keep checking on you to see if you’re okay. You don’t need to be smothered; you want to meet new and exciting dating prospects. You'll also want to know and respect any territory boundaries. Not every person your friends introduce to you, are for the taking. Just double check with them to see if there is any history there or if you have the ok to go forward.

Don’t Be Afraid To Go Out Alone. Do this safely though. Have a text buddy to send them updates on your whereabouts. The point of going out alone is to meet new people. Sometimes your buddies can suck up all your attention and keep you from noticing the potential dates that are actually interested in you. They can even disrupt your rapport by behaving inappropriately. Reduce the variables for things to go wrong and increase your chances of meeting someone special. However, when you go out alone you must always remember to never leave with anyone. You're just meeting for the first time. There will be plenty of time for escapades later.

Options:
o The Next Topic: Dating Website Links & Tips On How To Use Them
o The Dating Advice Menu

Dating Website Links & Tips On How To Use Them

2009-01-13T00:19:00.012-05:00

Dating on-line is essentially a God-send for those who are shy about walking up to strangers and introducing themselves. The introduction is basically all in your profile and all one has to do is read the contents to see if there is a match. It sounds easy, but here are some tips safeguard your experience.

Honesty:
Do not lie to fulfill a role you believe your type of date would like. When you choose what kind of relationship you want, DO NOT fill in multiple types of relationships. Fill in only one. You are looking for a serious relationship or you are looking for a hook-up. It cannot be both. Anyone who reads your profile will remember the lesser important relationship. Relationship status, Children, age, and occupation should be honestly reported as well.

Your Profile Picture:
Your profile photo is your first impression. Use a real picture of yourself that is current and not photoshoped to death. If you do, you will be setting them up for a disappointment when you finally meet and putting your self-esteem at risk for rejection. Actually the more pictures the better your responses because more of your personality will be revealed.

Safety:
1) Do not reveal too many traceable details about yourself such as your real full name, address, phone number, and work information.
2) You should definitely use your real first name or a nickname for your profile name, but that's it. You can give your number to a potential date when you think it's time to talk.
3) Do not spend an abundance of time emailing, chatting, texting, and talking on the phone without meeting at least once.
4) Arrange to meet only in very public places for a short meeting of 15 minutes.

Here are a list of dating websites and local dating event groups.

General Dating Websites:
o 2 Busy 2 Date
o Book Of Matches
o Cyber Dating
o Date Hookup
o eHarmony
o Link All
o Live Date Search
o Love Awake
o Match.com
o Mingle 2
o Ok Cupid
o PerfectMatch
o Plenty Of Fish

Local Groups With Dating Events For The General Public:
o 8 Minute Dating
o CosmoParty
o Date And Dash
o Date In The City
o Fast Life
o FlirtFete (may not be active)
o Hurry Date
o Magic Match Party
o Moxie In The City
o NY Easy Dates
o NY Minute Dating
o On Speed Dating
o Pre-dating
o Real Live People Party
o Social Circles
o Weekend Dating

Matchmakers:
o New York Dating Coach

Jewish Singles:
o Jewish Speed Dating in New York City
o Shoshanna's Matches

Dating Rich Men & Women:
o Millionaire Match
o Seeking Arrangement
o Seeking Millionaire
o Sugar Daddie.com
o Wealthy Men.com

Interracial Dating:
o Afro Romance
o All Interracial Dating
o Black And White Singles
o Color Blind Personals
o InterMixx
o Interracial Match
o Interracial Romance

Beautiful Singles:
o Darwin Dating
o Model Quality Introductions

Smart Singles:
o Geek 2 Geek

Sporty Singles:
o Cycling Singles
o Running Singles

Political Singles:
o Democrat Singles

Christian:
o Big Church.com

Hook-ups:
o Adult Friendfinder (there are pop ups on this webpage)

LGBT:
o Alternative Connections
o B Gay.com
o Bi Cupid
o Bisexual Passions
o Bisexual Playground
o Connexion
o Curious Love
o Executive Gay Dating
o Executive Lesbian Dating
o Femmate
o Gay.com
o Gay Male Center
o Gay Match Maker
o Gay Meeting
o Gaydar.com
o Girlfriends Meet
o Grrl 2 Grrl
o Lesbian Dating Personals
o Pride Dating

Options:
o The Next Topic: Getting Your Mindset Ready For Conversations
o The Dating Advice Menu

Getting Your Mindset Ready For Conversations

2009-01-10T08:13:00.003-05:00

Get fearless! If you like someone you must let him or her know. Everyone hesitates when it comes to this part of dating, the most crucial time of all, the introduction. Our INSECURITIES argue with our INSTINCTS and finally we determine that it would be too forward to approach this guy or girl. The worst of it is the ideology that people should NOTICE YOU first and then CHASE YOU.

Never do this again.

This is not the Road Runner cartoon; this is your life. You have to take charge of it and not SABOTAGE YOUR POTENTIAL before you even begin. Now, your love interest still doesn’t have a clue you are interested as someone else has approached them and now that’s that. It seems too simple to be true but regardless of gender and orientation. DON’T WAIT to make the first move. It’s just that simple.

You’re a survivor. You’re in charge. You’ve got to hunt for your own food. You’ve got to search for twigs and berries just to build your own shelter. You’ve got to take the reins of your life and drive it home!

Okay, so you don’t have to do that or anything close to that.

YOU MUST OPEN UP YOUR MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING.

The very best conversation opener is “Hi.” It's simple and it lets the person you are speaking to know that you are not another indistinguishable person in the masses they encounter every day.

They’ll say “Hi,” back.

Strike up conversations out of the blue without sounding like a pick up line. Women and men can both do it because again, meeting a potential date is the same as making new friends. “You have a nice shirt.” “Your dog is so adorable.” “Can you believe this weather we’re having?” They’ll engage, say something nice before leaving, or run away.

Get creative too. Use news articles, the economy, jokes, or anything that will get your mouth moving and sound to come out of it. Small talk is good. Sometimes it takes a while for people to open up when meeting a stranger. It could either be due to shyness or anxiety. Small talk will usually loosen the tension.

Here are some things you should definitely keep the conversation away from:
o Compliments about anything sexual.
o Compliment anything more than once.
o Comments or jokes that are insensitive to gender, race, religion, and politics.
o Never ask if you can speak, or if they have the time to listen to what you have to say, just speak.

Options:
o The Next Topic: Why It’s So Important To Talk To People You Are Not Attracted To
o The Dating Advice Menu

Why It’s So Important To Talk To People You Are Not Attracted To

2009-01-05T08:08:00.004-05:00

MAKE CONTACT with people. Strike up platonic conversations. Actually LISTEN to them. Being in touch with more people will allow you the opportunity to meet people you ARE attracted to. Dating will become less of an ordeal and more a part of nature… HUMAN nature.

Remember, JUST TALK!

The point is not to hurt someone by leading them on so stay friendly only!

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Get Someone’s Contact Information
o The Dating Advice Menu

How To Get Someone’s Contact Information

2009-01-01T08:05:00.004-05:00

There are so many ways to get someone’s contact information, but the best way to do it is to first engage in fascinating chit chat, offer a reason for needing to contact and then swap digits. It can happen in as little as a minute. If you need longer, take your time.

If you know that this person likes movies, you’ll need to say “well maybe we can catch a movie sometime.” Another option is to forego the invitation and just say, why don’t we keep in touch. I’d love to chat sometime.” Who would be rude enough to say, “No, I’d rather not” after such a good conversation?

There are some people who decide that they don’t give out their numbers, and then ask for an email, Facebook, or any other means of contact.

An even swap of numbers instantly programmed into your phone is the best way to get it.

Perfect. You can store their name in your phone with little details to help you remember your new friend like the name and the place that you met them. Example: Nancy Shakespeare Fest.

Card swaps are ok, but 20% effective. You’ll want to double check that there is a personal cell on there. Beware of cards with very little information on them as well.

You could make your contact on Facebook or a dating website. The key is to really connect on a cerebral level first, so you'll want to examine their profile and make intelligent, whitty, and inciteful conversation to get things started.

Once you have your contact mode, it’s important for you to use it within the next 24 hours to reestablish the connection via, text, email, or any of the social networking website messaging. “Hey, it was nice meeting you at the festival. I hope we can chat again soon.” Or, “It was a pleasure chatting with you at the festival. Let me know if you were still interested in doing something this week like we talked about.”

It’s pretty straightforward without being needy.

Don’t send them you number again in FEAR that they don’t have it and don’t send them another message if they don’t return your message. These acts will send a very direct message that you are NEEDY and you’ll probably never hear from this person again.
Stay cool.

It’s okay if they don’t call you.

This is all practice. You did it and you are brave, confident, and charming enough to do it all over again if necessary.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Handle Rejection From A Person You Just Met
o The Dating Advice Menu

How To Handle Rejection From A Person You Just Met

2008-12-30T08:03:00.002-05:00

Rejection hurts. No one wants that feeling, but you won’t have to feel it if you have the right perspective.

The mind is a powerful weapon. Use it to your advantage. Develop a NO-LOSS attitude while dating.

How?

Think of it this way: you tried to strike up a conversation with a stranger and they weren’t receptive. This is GOOD! By natural selection the people who aren’t for you eliminate themselves in this process, giving your TRUE LOVE a clear shot at dating you!

Keep your path clear and open for the one you are truly looking for.

Always remember, conversations starts when and only when the person you are striking it up with is INTERESTING ENOUGH to understand that they should be interested in you.

No Loss.

There are hundreds, upon thousands of people left in the world to talk to.

The one thing you must never do in reaction is that you must NEVER INSULT THEM because they aren’t responding well. Keep in mind that this person may be having a terrible day and just doesn’t feel like engaging in conversation. Next week they may remember how friendly you were and BAM, it’s back on again.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How Attraction Works o The Dating Advice Menu

How Attraction Works

2008-12-25T07:59:00.007-05:00

It took me a while to figure this out but I’ll tell you flat out, CONFIDENCE is the number one most important element in attraction! It’s what’s called a TURN-ON. It’s not sexual, but it can be. Without it, our civilization would crumble.

Being confident is not what many people assume they need to behave like being cocky, arrogant, bitchy, vain, or rude. These are so easily mistaken for confidence. All of those reveal the very opposite of confidence which is insecurity. INSECURITY is the number one TURN OFF to most people. This must be explained so you can understand that some of the little things that we do innocently during the dating process get the very opposite perception of what we intend.

What fits under the CONFIDENT (attractive) umbrella is being:
INDEPENDENT
GRACEFUL
CHARMING
INTERESTING

People are generally attracted to this regardless of physical attraction or sexual orientation. Non-sexually, these traits are attractive. Instinctively, we all want to be around people like this.

The opposite of being independent is being NEEDY.
The opposite of being graceful is AWKWARD.
The opposite of being charming is being CONCEITED.
The opposite of being interesting is being BORING.

Being needy, awkward, conceited, and boring are all under the insecurity umbrella along with DESPERATION, JEALOUSY, ANXIETY, SELF-DOUBT, EXCESSIVE COMPLAINING, THE NEED FOR CONSTANT VALIDATION, and EMOTIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

If you met someone right now who did anything to indicate that they fit into the insecurity umbrella you would either put them in two categories, JUST A FRIEND or straight up CRAZY! They are written off without a second thought. Are you curious why they are the way they are? Perhaps, but you don’t want to tango with the devil under the pale moonlight by senselessly getting into anything romantic with them. Can you imagine all of the work you’ll have to do during the relationship, just to keep them from flipping out every 5 minutes? This is what most people fear. That is why showing your insecurities at any point during the dating process and even in relationships is the BIGGEST TURN-OFF of all time!

Take a personal inventory. Are you exhibiting any of the “attractive” traits mentioned?

Be absolutely honest with yourself and take a good look at the list of turn-offs and see where you may be a victim of these traits appearing during your past relationships. We continue day in and out without realizing that we are projecting these insecurities to the world and unknowingly turning people so far away that they will never to know how wonderful and special we really are.

Now remember, the problem is not in the act of showing your emotional weaknesses, but communicating them in an effective way. You might not want to get so deep with a person you are just casually dating. Hopefully, as you become more communicative with one another you can share your feelings more. That would also mean that while embarking on this kind of intimate talk, you and your partner understand what kind of dating relationship you have together. You must be on the same page.

Also beware that most of us can keep our insecurities in check for a short while which will sustain the early stages of dating. However, in long-term relationships they appear sooner or later and we’re left sadly wondering where and why things didn’t work out once we began to show our emotions. It’s important not to misrepresent yourself. Be honest and upfront about who you really are.

You don’t have to ever worry about keeping a man or woman because you’ll always be attractive when you are not displaying insecurity. In order to get there you must work on you, not your partner. You are the center of attraction!

To further drive the message home I will list all of the insecurity turn-offs and their confident, more attractive counterparts so you can see the psychological message in the difference. Thusly, whenever you feel insecure feelings, you can think of the counterpart as the way to behave instead. (IT WORKS!) Practice this every day until it is second nature.

Needy / Self-reliant
Awkward / Graceful
Conceited / Charming
Boring / Interesting
Desperate / Mysterious
Jealousy / Confidence
Anxiety / Serene
Self-doubt / Optimistic
Complaining / Compromising
Cocky / Cool
Arrogant / Self-assured
Bitchy / Assertive
Rude / Cordial
Emotional / Composed

If you notice, none of the confident attributes involved sex. ATTRACTION IS NOT BASED ON SEX! Maybe you already knew that, but it’s a common misconception. But if you met someone with these CONFIDENT traits it wouldn’t be far off from thinking that they were sexy or attractive because of it.

That’s how attraction works!

Options:
o The Next Topic: Top 10 Pick-Up Lines
o The Dating Advice Menu

TOP 10 PICK-UP LINES

2008-12-20T17:10:00.004-05:00

Pick-up lines are used to do exactly what it called, to "pick up" a date very quickly with ease. They usually get laughs, shock, or even insult the person being "picked up". The verdict is still out on whether it’s appropriate to use a pick-up line to land a date. Some experts say never date anyone who approaches you with a pick-up line because it assumes familiarity too soon upon first meeting. Others say that it’s a harmless way to break the ice. However, judge for yourself in the circumstance. It might be great for a good laugh. No harm done if it wasn’t an insult. But it’s good to remember these pick-up lines once you are in a relationship for a cute little way to hint to your sweetie that your attraction to them is still fresh.

1) Can I buy you a drink?
2) I wish I could change the alphabet. I would bring U closer to me.
3) You must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day.
4) How much does a polar bear weigh? Well, it’s enough to break the ice anyway.
5) Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven.
6) Where have you been all my life?
7) May I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her that I have just met the girl / guy of my dreams.
8) Are you a model?
9) My place is right around the corner.
10) So what haven't you been told tonight?

Here are a few extras for laughs:
o If I follow you home, will you keep me?
o Beautiful!
o What's your sign?
o Do you work for UPS? I could have swore I saw you checking out my package.
o Who's your friend?
o I'm new in town and can't find my way around; could I have directions to your place?
o I'm French. Do you speak French? Do you want to French kiss?
o I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
o Hi, I’m Prince Charming.
o I lost my # Can I have yours?
o See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute.
o What do you say we go back to my place and do some math? Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!
o You must be Jamaican, because Ja Makin me crazy.
o You might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell everybody we did it anyway.
o Noisy in here, isn't it? Do you know that my place is a lot quieter?
o How do you like your eggs? Scrambled or fertilized?
o (Pours drink over head) Why don't you get out of those wet clothes?
o Hey is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can really see myself in your life.
o Sit on my knee and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up!
o Just to let you know, the word of the day is LEGS. Why don't we spread the word?
o I'm like milk; I'll do your body good.
o Hi my name is [YOUR NAME]. Don't forget that because that's the name you will be screaming out tonight.
o Are you wearing space panties? Because your ass is outta this world!
o Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
o I'm an artist. Would you be my nude model?
o Rough day? You look like you could use an orally stimulated orgasm?
o I wouldn't kick you out of bed after we make love unless it would be to make love on the floor.
o The word of the day is LEGS. Spread the word.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How “Can I Buy You A Drink” Works
o The Dating Advice Menu

How “Can I Buy You A Drink” Works

2008-12-15T07:53:00.002-05:00

“Can I buy you a drink” is usually considered a pick-up line in the single world, but it’s not a bad way to keep the connection between you and a stranger going at a bar or social function. It works if you know how do it right.

It should never be the first thing that you say. Please remember this or your chances of being shut down will increase. After your initial communication involving an introduction, it’s completely ok to ask to buy a drink. You can continue talking to your potential date while he or she enjoys the drink if the conversation is pleasantly getting along. Just remember, that the person you are buying the drink for is not obligated to keep you company all night.

Establishing a meaningful conversation before offering the drink will let the person know that you value their interest and not paid companionship.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Avoid The Number One Mistake In The Dating World
o The Full Dating Advice Menu

How To Avoid The Number One Mistake In The Dating World

2008-12-10T07:50:00.007-05:00

The number one mistake made when dating is that at least half of the population ASSUMES that the person they are dating is dating them EXCLUSIVELY. This is not always the case. Quite frankly, this is almost never the case. In fact, your date may actually be currently dating MULTIPLE individuals to increase their chances of being in a romantic relationship.

It might not be something that you want to hear, but it's true. And it's not cheating because remember that dating is not a romantic relationship. It is the precursor to it.

This is why I stress the fact that you must COMMUNICATE about how feel and if you’d like to proceed exclusively or still on the prowl. Do this EARLY ON in the development of the relationship so you both can determine how much time you should devote to this venture and where you stand.

If your date decides that they do not want to date exclusively, it’s still not a deal breaker because things may change as they get to know you better. He or she is simply looking at their many options, WHICH YOU SHOULD BE TOO!
I suggest and urge you to try scheduling one day a week to set up one date. If you miss a week or two, don’t worry, but your goal is to try as hard as you can to fill every week with a date. It could be with a new prospect, or it could be the same person several weeks in a row, if you get along well. Whatever it takes to get the job done.

The key to dating is all in the NUMBER OF DATES you can go on and never giving up until you meet someone you can develop a mutual commitment with.

DON'T GIVE UP on dating until you find that!

Options:
o The Next Topic: The Dating Tactic Of Ignoring The Person You Like So They Can Chase You
o The Dating Advice Menu

The Dating Tactic Of Ignoring The Person You Like So They Can Chase You

2008-12-05T07:43:00.002-05:00

So here it is… the great game of all games. Here is the scenario: I met John and I really had a great time talking to him on Thursday. It’s Saturday and I spot John at a party jus as I knew he would be. I am going to pretend I don’t see him and wait until he notices me. Maybe he’ll come over. I will let him CHASE ME.

How many of us have done this and how many of us still do? We wait for the other person to CHASE us. We giggle as we run away much to slow to get away in the hopes of being caught. There are even books written about how to do execute this tactic to get the one you like to declare their true feelings for you.

First you entice and make the person feel a connection to you, and then you disconnect allowing them to miss you, tease with a re-connection and continue back and forth connecting and disconnecting until you’re blue in the face.

The theory is that if you do this, the person you like will go crazy chasing down and you’ll both live happily ever after haven being caught.

WRONG!

This is kind of pattern perfect for superficial relationships and booty calls. Nothing loss, nothing gained, because you don’t need to share your feelings with these kinds of partners.

You can’t start a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP by playing games. You are starting off your relationship on the wrong foot, by not being truthful and honest about your feelings and pretending a lie to get the attention you really want. In any other town, it may be a good tactic, but in New York City, it will backfire on you, especially if you really like the person. Each and every single person has so many options to date, so while you are ignoring the person that you actually like, it’s just as easy for them to give up on chasing you to pursue someone that will respond to their advances. You’ll be wondering what ever happened to there. They stopped chasing. Was I not good enough?

But what is the problem with this if it works, you ask? What type of person actually seeks out rejection and loves it to the point it will do anything to be around rejection on tap? What kind of person is this and would you marry such a person? Would you raise children with such a person? You want your children growing up with someone who thinks it’s fun to be rejected.

It’s just a disaster any way you play the game.

Now a healthier way of doing this if you are truly into the HIGH OF BEING CHASED and you meet someone you like and you are getting along with them pretty well is to simply have a truthful conversation with your love interest. Tell them that you like a lot of attention and it would be nice to have the feeling of being chased every once in a while. Want to play?

Now it takes on a whole new thrill!

Options:
o The Next Topic: Safety Precautions You Should Take Before Going On A Date
o The Dating Advice Menu

Safety Precautions You Should Take Before Going On A Date

2008-12-01T07:39:00.005-05:00

Date safely! Your dating experiences shouldn’t become easy opportunities for criminal acts. Make sure you follow these tips.

o Feel out your date as much as you can before meeting.

o Meet up in a public place preferably in a place where others know you.

o Tell your friends where you are going at all times.

o Forward your date’s phone number and contact information before the date.

o Have your cell fully charged before the date.

o Get your phone secured at your local police department. They’ll put a GPS code in your phone for you in case your phone is lost or stolen / missing.

o Handle your own drinks!

o Never get drunk on a date.

o If plans change suddenly, send a text or leave a message with a friend.

o Do not go their home for any reason. It’s the biggest risk you can take with your life.

o Do not invite them into your home.

After you’ve gotten to know the individual it’s okay to be less on guard, but in the beginning uphold these rules for your safety.

Options:
o The Next Topic: The Importance Of Your Physical Appearance
o The Dating Advice Menu

The Importance Of Your Physical Appearance

2008-11-30T07:37:00.003-05:00

The first date is always the first impression, even if you’ve talked or know each other already. This is your chance to really shine and at the same time see how well you gel with your date. This is the time of the most potential that could make or break the courtship.

You must look the very best that you can. You don’t have to be perfect, just polished and alert. Give your physical appearance a 100% effort. This works in cooperation with your mental outlook and will increase your chances of feeling the most CONFIDENT you can be. When you are confident, you’ll be an ATTRACTANT. So do your best and be your best.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Handle Lateness
o The Full Dating Advice Menu

How To Handle Lateness

2008-11-25T07:33:00.002-05:00

When you are meeting up it’s so easy to get nervous while you are waiting for your date. YOU WILL REMAIN CALM. There is nothing to worry about. You are not being stood up. You’ll want to give them a confirmation text or email earlier that day to let you know that they indeed intend to meet with you. Give a few minutes leeway for lateness, considering the subway and city traffic. 15 minutes max. Just about everyone has a cell these days so explanations are in order.

Once your date explains their lateness, move on. Do not harbor this throughout the entire date. However, if you are persnickety about lateness, you might want to stress tardiness BEFORE your actual meeting. The more upfront you are, the better.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Keep Good Eye Contact During A Date
o The Full Dating Advice Menu

How To Keep Good Eye Contact During A Date

2008-11-20T07:30:00.003-05:00

Eye contact is important. Keep eye contact enough that it’s not weird. Be sure that when you are talking to your date; try to look them in the eye.

If they are too good looking that it makes you nervous you can trick your stare by focusing on their eyebrows or their nose if you’re not too close.

If you are really enjoying your conversation the eye contact will be quite natural and become easy for you even if you are nervous. And be mindful that your date might be nervous as well and may hesitate on making direct eye contact. Don’t hold it against them. Once they become more at ease with the setting and more comfortable with you this will not be an issue.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How The Conversation Should Proceed On Your Date
o The Full Dating Advice Menu

How The Conversation Should Proceed On Your Date

2008-11-15T07:26:00.002-05:00

o Keep The Flow Going. Asking lots of questions that flow effortlessly into one another is the perfect way you want your conversation to go. You may want to have some subjects lined up.

o Get Funny. Nerves can ruin any rapport if you don’t have a backup plan. Know funny comebacks. Don’t know any? Start YouTubing funny sitcoms and do some research! Everything you need is right here on the Internet. Watch funny people and steal their on-liners. Nothing to obvious, but enough so that when you’re speaking you’ll keep the interest by not being BORING!

o Open Them Up. You may have a date that will be so intimidated by you that they feel that there is nothing they can say to impress you. Unfortunately, they’ll have it wrong. Take the reins and get them talking. That’s how you met remember.

o Mirror Your Date. Do on to others as they do unto you. If your date shares a personal story about their childhood, you should do the same. Get serious when they get serious. And don’t always try to cheer them up with a joke, because that could do more damage than good. It will seem as if you are not really paying attention to them.

o Contribute. Don’t just go along with everything your date says or wants to do. Even if you are cool with it, make some requests or suggest something creative and unique. This is not a time to be ridiculous and demanding, but keep it fun. It’s just a way for your date to remember that you have desires and can contribute to the evening.

o Speak Up. If you are feeling a bit uncomfortable about something tell your date exactly how you feel. Don’t be ashamed of that because only with true communication will you enhance the rapport you have with them or make clear the lack there of.

o Be Upfront. Most importantly, be honest about how you want to date. Get the facts out in the open. What kind of relationship do you want? If it’s not a match, it shouldn’t spoil the date, but just move on quickly.

o Never Lie. Don’t ever lie to impress anyone. It seems so basic. We all know it’s not wise to lie, but in the heat of the moment, bending the truth seems so easy. They don’t know you and they may never find out the truth. The damaging effect of this is so harmful it’s never really noticed. BE PROUD of who you are. Be yourself. Never pretend to be someone you are not. The whole magic of attraction is the confidence you will have just being yourself. By lying about yourself and who you are silently diminishes your self-esteem. This is projected outwardly whether you know it or not. The FEAR of being discovered becomes a threat to your security in knowing your lie is safe. The threat is constant. Even though dating takes a lot of energy, adjustments, and considerations, being deceitful will cause more damage to your psyche than you know. The relationship is doomed.

o The EX FACTOR. Stay away from talking about your Ex! Don’t arrange the date where your Ex will be. Don’t let your date talk about their Ex. Just say, “I’m so sorry but we shouldn’t talk about our Exes just yet.” Or you could cleverly change the subject. Many people are under the false impression that talking about the Ex will show off how sensitive and caring they can be for another person. The whole Ex factor is a display of being NEEDY with a hint of CRAZY, so stay away from it. It’s a big TURN-OFF.
Some dates will want to know about your Ex or past romances. Don’t get into detail and change the subject. It’s way too early to talk about Exes and this could turn the evening into a sour mood.

Options:
o The Next Topic: Behaviors You’ll Want To Avoid On Your Date
o The Full Dating Advice Menu

Behaviors You’ll Want To Avoid On Your Date

2008-11-10T07:19:00.002-05:00

First dates can be nerve wrecking. It’s so easy to lose yourself in the experience that your date might not get a chance to get to know the real you if they are focusing on awkward behaviors that you probably only do when you are nervous. Here’s a few things to avoid.

If you are a performer, DON’T SHOW OFF unless you are asked to. This can make you look like you are trying too hard to impress your date, which is DESPERATE, NEEDY FOR ATTENTION and a TURN-OFF.

DON’T SPOIL YOUR DATE. Many people will often do special things while they are dating and then stop doing them once they are in a comfortable relationship. Do not cater to your partner hand and foot unless you think that you can do so for the rest of your life. Now to be honest, once someone is comfortable with getting a certain kind of special attention, they’ll demand it later, and they’ll become demonstrative even later than that. You’ve created a monster. Try to keep the pleasing and spoiling at a mutually equal level. Give as much as you get.

On the other hand DON’T TREAT YOUR DATE LIKE A SERVANT. It’s nice to think that you are special but no one is special enough to abuse others. If you like to be pampered hand and foot, there are spas and there are fetish clubs you can join. When you are dating from the general dating pool remember that no one owes you anything just to be in your presence. It’s not a healthy way to exist and is one of the biggest TURN-OFFS because of the excessive NEEDINESS. Be GRACEFUL instead. It’s such a TURN-ON.

DON’T IGNORE YOUR DATE. Focus on your date when you are on the date even if things are not going well. No, eying and flirting with other people in the room. This is one of the best ways to flop a date, because it’s a NEEDY attempt to get validation of worth. THIS IS A TURN-OFF!

DON’T GIVE YOUR DATE TOO MUCH ATTENTION (the weird kind). I am talking about the kind of attention would be considered CREEPY. That includes things like, touching in appropriately, staring at them for too long in silence, inviting them over to meet the folks for Christmas.

Always prepare to pay your own way on a date even if your date likes to pay for everything. It puts you in a mental state of CONFIDENCE, which is very ATTRACTIVE. You are sending the message that you WANT to be with them, but you don’t NEED to be with them.

Options:
o The Next Topic: Master The Art Of The Turn-Around
o The Full Dating Advice Menu

Master The Art Of The Turn-Around

2008-11-05T07:17:00.003-05:00

You will need to master the art of turning things around from negative experiences to positive ones with very little time to think.

Yeah that bad thing happened but I can do this good thing with it.

For example, I had so many bad experiences with dating in NYC that I have written this guide for people in need of my advice.

That’s a turnaround.

Turn things around by STAYING POSITIVE and BE CREATIVE. Turn bad situations into positive ones by seeing the upside. Let's say, you planned a picnic in the park, but it started raining. Walk to the nearest coffee shop and finish the date there.

It seems logical, but while mishaps happen we often don’t think logically or creatively. You must train yourself to visualize possibilities everywhere.

Options:
o The Next Topic: Why It’s Not A Good Idea To Over Extend The Date
o The Full Dating Advice Menu

Why It’s Not A Good Idea To Over Extend The Date

2008-11-01T07:09:00.003-04:00

You’ve had a wonderful time with your date for the evening and an idea pops into their heads that you can spend even more time together if you extend the date possibly until the next morning. What do you do?

Perhaps this could be the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with, BUT THIS IS STILL A STRANGER. People seem to lose sight of this and jump willingly to a stranger’s whims. It works in movies all of the time, but in real life, this is how people get heart broken. This is also how people get murdered.

BE SELFISH about your safety and your dating goals. Not wanting the night to end sends a direct message that you in NEED of someone to keep you from feeling lonely. You are not CONFIDENT and SECURE with your life. Remember that appearing to be too NEEDY or DESPERATE to have them too soon is not attractive, even if it looks like they are enjoying your company. When they have time to reflect, you may find that their schedule will not at your disposal, as yours was for them.

End the date respectfully. If it is meant to be, you’ll share many more wonderful evenings together. Let them know you’d like to see them again and take a rain check. You’ll see them again or at least you’ll be seeing someone soon. You have a future date to plan.

Options:
o The Next Topic: Why You Should Not Flirt Before The Second Or Third Date
o The Full Dating Advice Menu

Why You Should Not Flirt Before The Second Or Third Date

2008-10-30T07:07:00.003-04:00

DON’T FLIRT TO ATTRACT SOMEONE YOU LIKE!

I know, I get a lot of people who disagree with me on this one, but I think this is where everyone gets it wrong. Just hear me out.

When I chatted with my husband about my “No Flirting” policy one day, he strongly disagreed with me. He was adamant that flirting was “fun” and thought it was necessary to establish attraction between two people. However, when I asked him if I flirted with him on our first date, he said, “No.” Then I asked him if he was attracted to me after our first date? His answer was, “Yes!”

What was it that kept his interest if I wasn’t flirting with him?!

On that first date, we talked for hours, but I didn’t flirt. I didn’t kiss him good night. I didn’t sleep with him. I didn’t even give him my phone number! I was CONFIDENT with the future. I wasn’t afraid we’d never see each other again. If we would meet again, I left it up to the unknown. I let go of that worry. At best, I just spent the evening chatting with a delightful person…

Society has told us that we have to flirt to attract the person we like. What is perceived by that flirting? Let’s be honest, FLIRTING is a subtle, yet direct way of letting someone know that you are PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED to them and you want to get it on. It’s practically a DIRECT INVITATION TO SEX.

Sex with a stranger is not the goal when you’re ready for a committed relationship. But why do we put it on the table? We’re rushing things because we want more and more of the date. We want to hold on to the moment with everything we’ve got. We all want that immediate validation that we are desirable, when in actuality the only validation that is worth anything is internal validation and COMFORT WITH JUST BEING. That COMFORT provides the subliminal message of SECURITY, which is the secret ATTRACTANT to people who want committed relationships.

Initiating SEXUAL / PHYSICAL ATTRACTION too soon is an act of desperate DESPERATION! Sure, this person could be THE ONE, you are still OFFERING SEX TO A STRANGER. And although you may be turning your date on below the belt, you are turning them off to the idea that you could be a good partner in a serious committed relationship.

So remember, overt flirting is never necessary to attract a stranger. Establish a firm ground in your attraction AFTER A FEW DATES, flirting should come naturally. So by no means do you flirt as a means of defining your initial attraction to each other. You’ll be sending out all the wrong signals!

But don’t let your flirting skills get too rusty. Keep practicing in the mirror. If you are successful in getting your love, flirting will serve you well once you are already in a committed relationship. It’s part of the spark that will keep your connection exciting.

Options:
o The Next Topic: Why You should Not Have Sex Right Away
o The Full Dating Advice Menu

Why You should Not Have Sex Right Away

2008-10-25T07:04:00.003-04:00

I always say, “this” or “that” is my most important dating advice, but I can’t stress how very important this piece of advice is.

DON’T HAVE SEX TOO SOON! (If you are seeking a serious relationship.)

Why? You like this person and they like you. Why can’t you just do what you want to do? You’re adults. Times have changed.

Technically, there is no problem with that at all. But here is the problem: sex doesn’t go hand in hand with love or even attraction.

You think you are sending them the right message. You think you are showing them that you find them attractive. You don’t want the night to end so you can spend as much time with them as possible. It sounds cute, but that is not the actual message you are sending by sleeping with someone too soon.

The true message you are sending is one of INSECURITY and DESPERATION. They see a NEEDY person with SELF-ESTEEM issues. You don’t care who it is, you just want someone to show you affection. And anyone who rushes to try to get you to have sex too soon is expecting you to be NEEDY enough to step right into a sexual arrangement without romantic commitment.

If you truly like a guy or girl, enjoy the dating experience of falling in love and getting to know each other. KNOW CONFIDENTLY that if this is meant to be, intimacy will get there soon enough. You can wait. Waiting displays CONFIDENCE. People are ATTRACTED TO CONFIDENCE. This is the kind of attraction that keeps the calls coming; not how easy it was to sleep together.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Determine The Outcome Of Your Date
o The Main Dating Menu

How To Determine The Outcome Of Your Date

2008-10-20T07:00:00.003-04:00

It is pretty easy to sum up the way you feel after a date. If you are interested in seeing this person again, it’s tricky determining exactly where you stand. Here you will be on your own.

Listen To Your Intuition. Dating intuition is always right on the money.

While you are on the date, remember to pay close attention during the date. While you are observing, DON’T LOOK FOR FAULT. Don’t be overcritical. This is the first date. It’s nerve wrecking. Don’t get inebriated. Stay alert so you can assess the future you may have with your date. Everything you hear see or sense will make the biggest difference.

If by the end of the date you haven’t talked about meeting again, it’s probably not a good sign things are going well. You can be honest and say, “I’d like to see you again.” They can take it or leave it.

Whatever the outcome, don’t take it personally. Your mission is to set up a date. Either it’s with them or you can rush home to arrange one with someone new.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Handle Blind Dates
o The Main Dating Menu

How To Handle Blind Dates

2008-10-15T06:57:00.004-04:00

Even if you are meeting someone and have seen pictures of, this is still a BLIND DATE! Pictures often make individuals look different than what they actually look like. Pictures also don’t reveal mannerisms, age, height, and weight gain or loss.

The key is not to spend too much time before the date on the phone, email, text messaging with strangers. Time and time again I hear stories of friends over extending the pre-meeting stage and it pumps up their expectations way too much.

Ultimately, you need VALIDATION that you are indeed attracted… otherwise; you are WASTING YOUR TIME!

KEEP IT SIMPLE. Allow yourself the chance to get to know each other casually, but keep it brief enough. If you do develop a strong relationship with someone without actually meeting them, remember to be aware that what you are attracted to is not their appearance. You'll then be fine.

BE SAFE. Plan your meeting in a public place and report what you are going to do with a close friend or family. Don't forget this step.

DO NOT plan a lavish evening when meeting a blind date. You should meet for coffee or a drink and set the date to last 30 minutes up front so they know, this is how much time you both have to determine the basics. It’s a very clean operation.

However I do stress that you go into the date with NO EXPECTATIONS!

By the end of the date, you’ll know whether you want to give it a try or not.

Also, don’t be offended if you are not exactly what they had hoped either. Once this crucial stage is out of the way, it will be so much easier to carry on with the dating process if you do indeed like each other. You don’t have to leave after the half hour is up, heck if you are having a great time you won’t notice that it went over the time limit.

Whatever you are getting to eat or drink, please pay for your own and don’t offer to pay for your date’s unless there was a special agreement made beforehand. This is a blind date and it’s best to keep things separate until you feel that there is more behind this and you’re ok with either letting someone else pay or being the one to pay the bill.

Try to stay in conversation for at least the full half hour out of respect for your date’s time and effort. Be patient with the conversation process because someone who is nervous may need a little extra time to loosen up and feel more at ease.

My last note is that under no circumstances should you be going to a private location with your stranger.

Options:
o The Next Topic: Why Dinner Is Not Always The Best Choice For A First Date
o The Main Dating Menu

Why Dinner Is Not Always The Best Choice For A First Date

2008-10-10T06:54:00.002-04:00

Dinner is not the best choice for a very first date. You are two strangers sitting opposite each other at a table and the pressure to possess superb table etiquette is probably going to add more anxiety than you need.

Remember ANXIETY IS NOT ATTRACTIVE. Imagine it; long intense soup slurping, awkward elbow spoon flipping, wide spinach teeth smiles, the incidental full mouth talking, and the ever embarrassing half hour peppery spice choke fests. Better bone up on your CPR skills.

If you don’t really know each other or haven’t spent any time with them in person one on one, this could be too personal too soon.

Remember, the first date is your ONLY OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD, and give your date the opportunity to do so as well. The best place to meet for a very first date is a café or lounge where you can meet for a short length of time sum up your date. Even if you know your date or have met before in passing, this still applies. This is your first official date, so what you perceive as normal behavior, may alter under the romantic umbrella. If things aren’t going well, you have an excellent easy out. If you think you’re hitting it off, suggesting a bite to eat is a great way to get more personal, romantic, and adventurous.

One last and important reason to avoid scheduling your first date for dinner is that you’ll be setting expectations way too high. This is not the movies, or a fairy tale. Do things in order. Fall in love with someone who loves you and then have your ultimate dream date.

Options:
o The Next Topic: The Proper Way To End A Date That You Are Not Into
o The Main Dating Menu

The Proper Way To End A Date That You Are Not Into

2008-10-05T06:51:00.003-04:00

Going on a date doesn’t guarantee you a home run. It’s great to think positively and realistically. Chances are you might not meet your perfect mate on your first try or your 17th try, but wow on the 118th you did it. Give yourself many chances to succeed.

Be nice. If a date doesn’t go well, be gracious and courteous until the end. You’re enduring the rest of the date and being friendly, so their self-esteem won’t be wiped clean.

BUT NOTE THAT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO SCHEDULE ANOTHER DATE. If you forsee a friendship please let them know that you are would like to keep in touch.

They may or may not be hurt. But it is so important that if you are not interested in the person you are dating that you STOP SEEING THEM as early as possible. You must spend your time wisely in search of a better match.

Options:
o The Next Topic: The Proper Way To End A Date You Want To See Again
o The Main Dating Menu

The Proper Way To End A Date You Want To See Again

2008-10-01T06:37:00.005-04:00

Never ask for another date at the very end of the first date. It’s too predictable and more like an empty promise if it just so happens that you liked the person but they don’t feel the same way. They’ll often agree to it just to keep from letting you down.

If you are really interested in seeing each other again, the right time to ask is during heart of the date, while you are having a great time. Spring the question. You may even be able to set up when, where and what time, right then and there. No guess work. You’re getting another date!

Don’t waste your time trying to date people who are not attracted to you. If you want someone who is not interested in you, or in a relationship with someone else you have to realize that this is not going to end well for you. You must set your sights elsewhere. Move on! There are many, many more fish in the dating pool and THE ONE is there too.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Keep Your Eye On The Prize After Disappointments
o The Main Dating Menu

How To Keep Your Eye On The Prize After Disappointments

2008-09-30T06:32:00.002-04:00

It happens to us all. We really like someone we’ve been dating or talking to and suddenly without explanation, they disappear, stop calling, or become way too busy to make time for you in their lives. Sometimes you may even see that they are suddenly spending time with someone else.

What do you do? You really like this person.

This scenario is the biggest dating self-esteem and motivation killer!

When you realize, your person of interest is not doing the things that display that they are interested in you; it can be a huge shot to your ego. Your feelings are hurt and you begin to wonder.

The burning question is, “What went wrong?”

NEVER do this again!

IT’S A BIG WASTE OF TIME!

It’s good to reflect and improve one’s self, but mentally, you can’t stay in your thoughts. Retreating there to have a pity party is the complete opposite of your romantic goals, now isn’t it? Take no time to remember, or wonder what went wrong ever again. Your ONLY MISSION is to find the person that you will get on with. That’s it. Your devotion to that single goal will pay off.

Does it matter what went wrong? Maybe, or maybe not. If your vanishing love interest did not SHARE THEIR FEELINGS, you can’t imagine what went wrong. Forcing them to tell you is not the answer either. Lies could be involved, or even worse, enough words to STRING YOU ALONG. You don’t have time to be strung along.

Here, it’s about SELF RESPECT. You must SHOW others that respect yourself enough to DEMAND THAT PEOPLE TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT. When you are dating someone and getting to know them, the development of your relationship depends on their participation. If your date vanishes or becomes vague about this, THEY DO NOT VALUE this precious connection. To accept this treatment with an excuse of any kind is being willing to accept this kind of treatment for the rest of your life.

You want to be with someone who is excited and BELIEVES IN YOUR POTENTIAL. You could be THE ONE! When you experience this the right way, you’ll truly see that the CONFIDENCE that you have in KNOWING that the person that you are dating is NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING ELSE BUT YOU.

Do not doubt yourself or passively wait for things to turn around. This is not the movies. This is time for YOU TO TAKE ACTION NOW.

MOVE ON! The best advice I have for anyone dealing with this is to MOVE ON IMMEDIATELY after a dating flop and begin the dating cycle again right from the beginning! Now, the beauty in this procedure of moving on as quickly as possible especially after a short dating period is that by engaging with another date or two will get you to do two important things.

1) It will keep you in step with your objective. You’ll keep your rhythm and your groove. It’s like falling and getting back up again. You’ve got to get back up right away. Can’t just lie there and stay there on the ground for weeks on end. You’ve got to get back up. So get back up!

2) The more dates you go on, the more sooner you can put the FOCUS BACK ON YOU and not someone who doesn’t care. You’ll be surprised how great that works for your self-esteem and confidence.

So keep in mind, if your date disappears, move on to the next interesting person that you meet. Start over fresh. Starting over fresh is always something you can depend on. There are billions of people on the planet. Get started.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Deal With Feelings Of Jealousy
o The Main Dating Menu

How To Deal With Feelings Of Jealousy

2008-09-25T06:27:00.002-04:00

Jealousy is the number one deal breaker in romance. Jealousy is the furthest emotion you would associate with romance. In fact, it’s on the opposite spectrum. Now everyone experiences jealousy from time to time. It’s as common as the air we breathe. But we are often never honest with ourselves to admit that this is an emotion that we feel. There is a bit of shame to it. We always deny it.

FEAR and INSECURITY are the primary issue here, but once again, people are less likely to admit that they are insecure because of the negative connotation. It’s okay. The important note to keep in mind is that it’s there and we can only overcome our insecurities by acknowledging that they exist. For example, admit that you are afraid to be rejected or admit that you are afraid to be alone, or maybe both. It’s the fear of the worst possible scenario is what is keeping you from trusting your ability to keep the one that you want.

The fear (that the worst is going to happen) sometimes happens so fast there is no time to stop and think about what is going on. We get angry and begin to REACT or ACT OUT. Sometimes this leads to yelling, threats, and possibly even the lack of communication... a complete shutdown.

Reacting or acting out is the worst thing that you can do to combat jealousy. Unknowingly, you are driving away the one you want. They are actually getting the WRONG SIGNALS of what is actually happening and they’ll be running towards the door faster than if the room was on fire. It’s the most perfect way to lose a relationship you really want to keep.

Visibly displaying jealousy in an outraged way is UNREDEEMABLE because it makes you seem DESPERATE and INSECURE, which is a big turn-off. Crying is a big NO, NO! Absolutely, NO YELLING or FLIPPING OUT. One of the biggest mistakes is to wear the FAKE SMILE that masks anger. Do not do it!

Unfortunately, reacting and acting out sends a second and perhaps the most damaging message that you cannot CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS, and you’re CRAZY, you're IMMATURE. No one wants to have a relationship with someone who has these qualities! That may not be your actual traits, but that is what they will hold on to as a memory of who you are.

You can’t help the way you feel and I'm not saying, to pretend that they don't matter. If there is a situation that is making you jealous and is too much for you to bear, you MUST COMMUNICATE with your partner in a calm setting using every ounce of confidence and composure you can muster up. It will be hard, but HARD WORK IS WHAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALL ABOUT. This is only the beginning. If you want a relationship, you'll have to get over this hump.

In a new relationship that is brewing or just in the dating stages, it is important to communicate WHAT the jealousy is making you FEEL, than simply displaying your jealousy. Explain that you are getting mixed signals. Or you don't mind if he or she is giving someone else attention, you'd like to be included and don't want to be left out. Get specific. Let them know that you've thought about mutually benefiting solutions.

Just be calm and cool no matter what you feel.

When you communicate you must remember to avoid saying the word “you” at the beginning of any statement. Why? Because the word “you” will make it seem as if you are blaming and pointing your finger at them. It sets the tone for negativity before you can even put all of your thoughts out on the table. You’ll want to say things like; “I just want to share my feelings.” “I was just trying to pick up on the vibe that was going on.” “I wasn’t sure what to think when everything happened.” “I was totally out of the loop.” “I’m trying to understand what happened.”

See how it works? You aren’t blaming them and you are BRINGING THE FOCUS BACK TO YOU where they should be! The reaction from this will typically be a genuine apology for unknowingly hurting your feelings and a discussion should follow involving more understanding and compromise.

Now if you are with a moron, they aren’t going to understand and that will be your hint to start looking again for Mr. or Miss Right.

Remember that the number one thing that you must do is KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK!

I remember being in a relationship with a guy who said something just to make me jealous on purpose. I reacted just as he suspected I would. I got upset and began doubting myself asking him a whole slew of questions until finally I realized that he was making the whole story up to get a REACTION. We laughed about it, but it still LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON THE RELATIONSHIP that I could not redeem and ultimately we broke up. I turned him off by being clingy, insecure, and needy without even knowing that I did it.

In relationships, you will be tested often sometimes so pay attention. Often we fall for partners who like to play THE JEALOUSY GAME. Some like to play these games to see if you are the clingy type, like my Ex did. There is really nothing you can do to counter act these things by just ignoring them when they occur. They will catch you off guard so be ready. Think it though. This is not something for you to get upset about. It has nothing to do with you. You know what you want. Take it or leave it, you can find it somewhere else.

Keep that NO-LOSS attitude with you. Not only will it protect you from these kinds of tricks. IT’S A TURN ON! It makes you irresistible. You're giving off signals that you are STRONG, INDEPENDENT, and CONFIDENT. All turn-ons. The most important thing is that you have to have this confidence etched into your brain. YOU ARE CONFIDENT that everything is okay. You will always have PLENTY of choices too!

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Deal With A Jealous Partner
o The Main Dating Menu

How To Deal With A Jealous Partner

2008-09-20T06:18:00.004-04:00

Jealousy is a valid emotion that we all have experienced at some point in our lives. However, it's no fun being falsely accused of being unfaithful. Right from the start, you should take the reigns and open up the lines of communication again.

In order to deal with a person who is jealous, first of all, you should BE EMPATHETIC. Think about how you would feel if the tables were turned and you felt jealous. It doesn’t matter if you agree with their point of view or not. The exercise of sympathizing with them will bring you closer to figuring out the best way to reach out to them, providing you are indeed willing to make this relationship work.

Many people will take up the defensive approach. Look at it this way: if you are innocent, there is no need to prove anything. Be confident in the truth.

Validate their feelings with a calm discussion about their jealousy but be clear about how it makes you feel to not feel trusted. Let them know how it hurts you. Depending on the jealousy and your willingness to compromise, this kind of communication will strengthen your relationship.

Discuss this openly. Perhaps even agree to disagree.

Weigh in the argument your jealous partner claims and see if it is something you can modify. Ultimately, depending on the severity of the jealousy and how deeply it is rooted (baggage), your partner may need therapy to overcome this problem.

Don't let that be a turn off. Let’s be clear on this, therapy is not for crazy people! Therapy is a great opportunity to work out past issues that affect one's ability to live happily in the present.

The earlier you deal with jealousy issues the better your chances of determining if it’s a deal-breaker or something you can work through together. Your understanding can alleviate some of the conflict but DO NOT bend over backwards to please your partner if it makes you miserable. This will only lead to you resenting your partner and dysfunctional behaviors in your relationship long-term.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Figure Out If You Are Dating A Pick Up Artist, A Serial Dater Or A User
o The Main Dating In NYC Menu

How To Figure Out If You Are Dating A Pick Up Artist, A Serial Dater, Or A User

2008-09-15T06:13:00.004-04:00

Pick up artist are pretty cut and dry. Their whole purpose in life is to get your contact details. Their method is to be as funny, entertaining and will be the first to initiate contact. They will be as shocking and interesting as possible in the very first few minutes of meeting them.

Will they call you? There is a 50% chance. They meet so many people they may not even remember you.

Now the thing with pick-up artist is that they are not out to do anything bad. They are just trying to increase their chances of meeting someone special and don’t mind a few meaningless flings along the way. It’s kind of an erratic way to date, but it the main goal of this type of dater is to exploit the attraction that others have for them to temporarily get what they want, be it sex, money, or validation that they still have "it". The intention is to get these benefits from as many people as they can without respect for anyone’s feelings (even though they don't actually mean to hurt any one's feelings). It's a casualty. They have no interest in confirming any kind of commitment with their targets and feed off the dating pool like a parasite!

This type of person will make it hard on regular daters to shake off, especially if you are not firm with what your relationship desires are. For instance it is a common practice of theirs to say that they are not ready for a commitment right now, yet eventually want a long-term relationship, want to date other people and insist that you continue to see them and prefer them to all others.

This confusion could be completely honest, but this confusion also gives way to the notion that you can change them or win their heart, which is completely unlikely. It will be a total and utter complete WASTE OF TIME. This is precious time you could be available to THE ONE!

And for the pick-up artist, there is a HIGH about meeting someone NEW that they keep repeating the cycle, using the same conversation material, and may even visit the same romantic places over and over.

Are they sick? Who knows? You won’t be able to tell any of these dating types apart from the general population. Even if you guess, you might be wrong and can appear in any gender and in any sexual orientation.

So, LET IT HAPPEN.

Some one will approach you and you'll give them your contact information. They might call you, they might not. No loss. The best way to deal with them is to head them off at the pass. Through out a few one-liners of your own and be cleaver, catch them off guard. Stay on your toes. If anything, pick-up artist provide great practice.

The ONLY thing that you need to have in your arsenal is to remember that you will not get involved with anyone who is not ready for the kind of dating you want. If you want a committed relationship don't settle for "not ready". Show no signs of weakness or confusion. DO NOT NEGOTIATE. That is the most important thing. If they are not willing to tango on YOUR TERMS... there's no tango.

Options:
o The Next Topic: The Booty Call Trap
o The Main Dating Menu

The Booty Call Trap

2008-09-10T06:10:00.003-04:00

Sadly, in the process of looking for that special someone, we often get off track by giving into temporary forms of gratification and affection. It’s often referred to as the BOOTY CALL.

The Definition Of A Booty Call:
-vb 1: the act of calling or contacting a person for the sole purpose of having sex.
n 2: a person that is the recipient of such a call or the caller.

It's important to know that a booty call is a sexual arrangement and NOT DATING.

Some people don’t even realize that they are in this agreement until it’s much too late to salvage even friendship.

When both parties are in full agreement with this superficial pact, it’s not certain how long it could last but the mutual agreement usually comes from a straightforward conversation about the terms or performance of the act with NO MENTION OF a RELATIONSHIP status attached.

Unfortunately, in many cases, those looking for a loving relationship will simply SETTLE for what they can get out of DESPERATION for affection and LACK OF SELF-ESTEEM to stand up for better treatment. They feel that is the closest thing that they can get to a real relationship or simply delusional that things may turn around some day. It is a relationship trap that hey can never advance or reverse.

If you are looking for a serious relationship, these are some things to look to avoid too soon:

o Raunchy conversation detailing sexual fantasies and an avoidance of intellectual conversation of any kind is an obvious way to know what your dating partner is initiating. In other words, their desire is to have a lack of communication about anything other than sex! Only sex is on their mind and sex is ALL that they want. They are not interested in getting to know you as a person.

o Physical contact way, way too soon.

o Lack of desire to meet in public.

o Lack of desire to participate in dating activies deemed as romantic non-sexually.

o Last minute calls to meet up.

o Suddenly busy the next day or even right after sex.

Because of the intimate physical contact, it is very easy for an individual to confuse romance with carnal desires. Any confusion in this can lead to painful feelings of abuse and rejection. This is precisely why there are so many particular “don’ts” you’ll need to practice and enforce to keep your time from being wasted on a booty call’s exploits. And again, communication is so important. You must make it clear to the person that you are dating that you desire the personal connection between yourself and another person, which is the one human need that will be missing from such an arrangement.

Let me also reiterate that booty calls are A WASTE OF YOUR TIME if you are truly serious about meeting someone special in your life. It will interfere in the preparation, journey, and self-esteem that you will need to meet your potential mate and rob you of your unknowing opportunity. Seizing that opportunity should be ever most in your sights if you hope to succeed!

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Break Up Or End A Relationship The Right Way?
o The Main Dating Menu

How To Break Up Or End A Relationship The Right Way?

2008-09-05T06:04:00.003-04:00

Many experts say that the best way to break up with someone is to do it in person (http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-break-up-the-right-way). Their explanation is that you are showing them respect by dumping them eye-to-eye.

Let me tell you something, THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE! Whether is has been long over due or something you’ve just realized you have to do to live a better life, breaking up any which way you do it is going to suck for the person who still feels there is a chance in hell that you can still make it as a couple.

For short term or casual relationships, the separation technique works surprisingly well. Actions speak louder than words. Limit your contact by phone or by email and most importantly stop making plans to spend time with them. That should really do it. Give it a week to three weeks of no contact at all. Most people get the hint and are gone before you can say it’s over. You never had real communication while you were dating so why start now. Perfect then. All of your hard work is done and you didn’t have to put up with the arguing reasons why you’re a mean person and you didn’t have to bear the threats and tears or rejection.

If your relationship is a deep relationship that was at one time a loving one you can break up with them in person, the phone works too. Text or email is just wrong so don’t do it. Hopefully, you’ve tried your best to make it work by having open and honest discussions. If there is no hope, begin to keep your distance for a few weeks of NO CONTACT to let them know something is wrong and you are pulling away from them emotionally. Sexual contact is out of the question for at least a month prior to avoid sending signals that you are still attracted. You will need do all of this to set the stage and to help yourself deal with separation issues too. You won’t be immune to missing your Ex. This time apart will allow you some time to think whether or not you are doing the right thing or not and collect your arguments for your final showdown.

You are not to track them down and confront them. Two to three weeks is not that long to be in limbo if you once were in love. You at least owe the relationship that much. You must let them confront you. And they will confront you seeking answers. Your Ex won’t like what you have to say but there you have it. Everything is out in the open.

Your reasons for breaking up should not be superficial like, there is someone else, because that does not answer the question of exactly why you have reached your limit in the relationship and now you’ve forced them to question their self worth as well, when it was not your intention to make the blow hurt so bad. You can say that you aren’t happy and you’re tired of feeling miserable. You don’t like the fact that your Ex plays too many head games. You’re addicted to relationships when they first start, but get unhappy in the long term. You need a change. You are tired of being smacked around. You need your freedom to see other people. You feel too controlled. You’re a bastard and you want your Ex to be happy. You feel abused. You feel you’re being treated unfairly and you’re not going to put up with it any more. You feel that loving feeling is gone and you don’t see it coming back. These are all really valid feelings. You’ll get a better response by getting to the root of the issues. They will take some time to think about this.

During the silence, tears, or yelling you may want to say something that you may feel will make them happy to still be in your life. There is one thing you must never say. For the love of God, DO NOT say in parting, “I’d like us to be friends” or “Can we still be friends”. Everyone uses it as if it’s a consolation prize not realizing that even for the most casual short-term relationships this is quite belittling.

Let that be unsaid with time for your Ex to heal. The vague promise of friendship can do nothing but entice desperation from a person still in love.

Instead, offer to be there for them whenever they need something. That will let them know that you REALLY still care about what happens to them.

Also, it would be a nice touch to let them know that it’s going to be hard on you too because you’ll miss them.

Don’t dote over this procedure for more than a few minutes. Tell them you have to go and just let it be done.

Phone break up is the best way for your Ex to endure this kind of news. You hang up and they cry. There is no embarrassing scene to ruin what’s left of your relationship as friends. Now the problem with breaking up with someone face to face has several uncontrollable variables. Asking them to meet automatically gives them the false hope that if they could just see you then they can change things around and argue their case in person.

Then there is the possibility for physical violence, which you should never put your self in. And you will be gazing at them as they take your rejection. It will nearly be impossible to keep their composure. It’s very humiliating and an unnecessary way to drive the message home.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Get Over Being Dumped Very Quickly
o The Main Dating Menu

How To Get Over Being Dumped Very Quickly

2008-08-31T05:47:00.005-04:00

Those who have been dumped and understand fully that their Ex’s had to walk away from the situation after probably several warnings of abuse or bad behavior will have to take some good quality time trying to work on SELF IMPROVEMENT or HABILITATION from the uncontrollable pattern that is harming their chances at love. There is no other recourse. They must work on this before starting a new relationship or suffer the same dysfunction and ultimately heartbreak.

For those who have been wrongfully dumped, romantic DISCONNECTION and REJECTION can take years to heal, even decades. This could be especially hard if you spent a great deal of time with your Ex up until the day of your breakup. Some experts say that you should spend time getting over your Ex before dating again.

Is your Ex waiting to grieve loosing you?

ACCEPTANCE IS FIRST STEP TO HEALING! Accept the breakup. It’s over. Done. The movie ended, the credits have rolled, and the theatre just put all the lights back on. The ushers are already sweeping up the popcorn and Goobers off the floor and asking all of the stragglers to leave.

Accepting the end has come will put your head in another mindset. Etch it into your mind. IT’S REALLY OVER!

You won’t believe how fast you will forget about your Ex when you KNOW that.

You must know it and BELIEVE it to be true. If you don’t, you won’t get over your Ex.

DO NOT TRY TO GET BACK WITH YOUR EX! Believing that one day you’ll be back in each other’s arms is not something you want to hold on to. It will EXTEND YOUR PERIOD OF PAIN. Do you want to extend your period of pain? It’s important that you come to terms with reality. Your Ex made a decision about both of your lives and you must trust that true love would NEVER walk away you. Is he or she confused? Are they just not seeing you for who you really are? THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM if you were wrongfully dumped! Your mission is to trade your tears for happiness again, and it lies in your future.

Your most important step is to gain SELF-EMPOWERMENT and restoring your SELF WORTH that has been diminished from this experience. Fall in love with yourself, pamper yourself, and treat yourself well. Comedy shows are great entertainment to get your mind out of a funk. After a break-up good to learn a new hobby, take a new class, or get involved in a time consuming project. This will keep you busy so that can’t obsess about your Ex. This is your time to be selfish.

Talk to your support system of friends to give you some general reassuring VALIDATION. But don’t get to deep with them or allow them to give you too much advice. They are too close to you to help you achieve the kind of groundbreaking SELF-EMPOWERMENT that you need right now. You’ll also want to make it a rule that they are NOT ALLOWED TO BRING UP YOUR EX unless you initiate the conversation. This will help you deal with the loss better than to be reminded of it at times you’re actually feeling good about yourself again.

Seek a therapist or a counselor who is not personally involved so they can help you see how you came to this point in YOUR LIFE, not just about your breakup, because your breakup is only a tiny part of the big picture. They are exceptional for really letting you discover things about yourself that you never knew, which can help your future relationships.

DO NOT BASH YOUR EX publicly or even with your support system. Even though this seems like fun, try not do this because it is more damaging to you than anyone. You’ll find it puts you at a state of reliving your feeling of rejection perpetually while revealing an insecure exterior. It actually reverses the healing process.

Get your mind MENTALY FIT TO DATE AGAIN by reading “The Mental Preparation For Dating” section of this guide.

Getting back in the game again, will get you back on your feet, validate your desirability and keep you from thinking about your past.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Transition Out Of A Relationship And Be Friends If You Were The One Who Ended Things
o The Main Dating Menu

How To Transition Out Of A Relationship And Be Friends If You Were The One Who Ended Things

2008-08-20T05:19:00.003-04:00

After you’ve decided to break up with someone, give it some time before reaching out to that person because you could be putting the nail in the coffin, damaging the healing time they need to get over the rejection. Give it a good 2 to 3 weeks. Try to contact them by email.

o Don’t talk about your new dates or relationships.

o Call or Email to see how the other is doing, the most once a week, the least once a month. This keeps the connection going.

o Don’t talk about your relationship and what went wrong. If they start, you must tell them that it’s too soon to talk about that.

o Meeting them in a public place is fine. Refrain from spending time with them alone! It’s too easy for them to become emotional and you’ll end up hurting them more. The safest way to do it is to meet for coffee or 1 drink.

o Don’t flirt. Flirting leads to sex.

o Don’t sleep with them for old time sake or because it’s comfortable.
Be available to talk to them when they need someone to talk to. This is now your friend. You don’t want to lead them on and hurt them more, do you? Also, give yourself the romantic space you wanted.

o Don’t sleep with their friends. This further creates a rift between you. If there is a strong attraction between you and the friend, be courteous to let your ex know ahead of time. They may not like it, but you are friends, right. They can’t stop you from dating anyone, but do this out of courtesy.

o Help them find somebody new. Why not? You are friends now and there is nothing between you any more. If you are on the fence about that, this act should help you too. Set them up on a few dates. It could help them see that there are options for them, restore their trust in you, and make amends.

Options:
o The Next Topic: How To Survive The Holidays Single
o The Main Dating Menu

How To Survive The Holidays Single

2008-08-20T04:42:00.001-04:00

The hardest holiday to survive single is Valentine’s Day, hands down! You’ll want to NOT fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself. No pity parties here! Be proactive!

Option 1:
Depend on your friends and family to get you through. Remember you aren’t going to just spend time with them because you’re single. Make it part of your tradition. You can do that by preparing a unique signature dish or preparing some kind of performance. It will keep your mind off of your dating life and into the project at hand.

Option 2:
Network with other singles and don’t be afraid to tell everyone and anyone that are looking for something to do for the holidays. Set it up well in advance of the holiday. You may hear from the grapevine about a gathering that could use one more for the festivities. You! And perhaps you may meet someone special.

Option 3:
Take charge of your destiny, so to speak, and host your own affair. Invite your family and friends or form a group of singles to bond with. Have a potluck or gathering at a local hotspot. For many years, I threw Valentine’s Day parties on that dreaded holiday and each time it was so much fun. And one year a few roommates and I hosted a wonderful Christmas dinner and invited a few other friends we knew were away from home.

Option 4:
Volunteer. Several weeks or months in advance, sign up for a soup kitchen or charity event happening during the holidays. The feeling after contributing to a needy cause is priceless.

Option 5:
Spoil yourself with a special treat. Indulge yourself with a little getaway, spa, cruise, or even a short train ride out of town. Take a tour through the nearest city’s attractions. Travel or just arrange some time to pamper yourself even if it is for a few hours.

Option 6:
Get into the spirit of the holiday. Rent your favorite holiday movie. Sing holiday songs and consume your favorite holiday treats. Embrace the holiday and celebrate being alive.

Option 7:
Be obsessive about not being obsessive about the things in your life that is not the way you’d like it. Force yourself to think positively and visualize GOOD possibilities.

Options:
o The Next Section Is The Advice Column. The First Question: How Can I Find Out If The Boy I Kissed Has A Girlfriend?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: How Can I Find Ouf If The Guy I Kissed Has A Girlfriend?

2008-08-17T01:05:00.001-04:00

Dear Veltis:
My friend Danny has a girlfriend, at least I think so. He hung out with me at a bar a few nights ago. We had a lot to drink and things got heated. He started talking about sex and making passes at me. Every time I tried to bring up his girlfriend he changed the subject or said he didn't want to talk about her cause she ruined his life. Honestly, I like him. I've always had a crush on him and I know he's not the kind of guy who cheats on his girlfriend. I am not the kind of girl who sleeps with other girl's boyfriends. When we said goodnight I was going to kiss him on the cheek and he went for my mouth on purpose! I wondered if he was not seeing his girlfriend anymore or they are having trouble. I like him but I really need to know the truth. How can I find that out? (Kelly from Rhode Island)

Veltis:
That's a tough question that you'll need to approach him about but I don't recommend it pursuing this guy for several reasons.

First of all, I think it was a drunken episode and if it had any merit, you would have heard from him by now, thus also knowing the truth.

Second of all, you should make it a rule never to think you can catch someone on the rocks of a relationship. It's petty and desperate.

Thirdly, if this guy kisses you while he has a girlfriend, then he WILL do it to his next girlfriend, and the next, and the next. Patterns like this don't change.

And lastly, perhaps the most important of all, you must move on. If he wasn't willing to be totally truthful while you were "hanging out" then chalk it up to a good time, with an awkward ending and that's that.

There are lots of fish in the sea, Kelly. Good luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: How Can I Stop Being Her Friend & Be Her Boyfriend
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: How Can I Stop Being Her Friend & Be Her Boyfriend?

2008-08-01T05:10:00.001-04:00

Dear Veltis:
I’ve been friends with a girl for a year now and I can’t seem to get her to be more than just that. She sees me as just a buddy to hang out with when she’s not dating anyone. How can I stop being her friend and be her boyfriend? (Scott)

Veltis:
Scott, I am so sorry to tell you this but it may be too late to change things. But since you are such a sweetie, I am going to do you a favor and tell you how this happened and give you some options, okay. So here it goes.

For women the magic starts in the very beginning. Sometimes friendships can grow into love, but you better believe it wasn’t the woman’s idea to be just friends.

Try asking her flat out on a "real date". That should make it quite clear that you want to be more than just friends. If she accepts, really make it relaxing, nothing like your usual time together.

Be charming. Being charming includes a physical element that lets a woman see you in a different light than friendship such as, holding hands when you “hang out”, positioning yourself close to her, close enough to kiss her. The physical element lets her know that you are attracted to her. There is no other way. You need to set this up in the very beginning. If she let's you get close, perfect. If he rears away or doesn't look comfortable, there is no attraction there. Move on.

When you talk to her notice if she flirts. If she doesn’t flirt with you, it’s a wrap. There is no attraction there. Move on.

If she does flirt with you, act quickly and just plant one on her… a kiss that is. It’s your first kiss so make it count. NEVER ASK if it’s okay to kiss her. Women hate that. We have to think about it and wonder why everything has become so awkward all of a sudden. So by all means, lean in and show Cupid he didn’t waste his arrow on you.

That should get a “Wow!”

Good luck, Scott!

Options:
o The Next Question: How Can I Tell Him His Long Nails Bother Me?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: How Can I Tell Him His Long Nails Bother Me?

2008-07-17T15:01:00.001-04:00

Dear Veltis:
The guy I am dating has long nails because he plays guitar. He needs them to pluck the strings and it’s only on his right hand his left is ok. But he likes touching me down there and I always pull away cause it hurts. He says his ex loved it when he played with her, but it bothers me. How can I tell him nicely without hurting his feelings?

Veltis:
I think you should just talk to him about it at a time that is not during the heat of the moment. Sit down for coffee and just tell him, “This is how I feel… Your long nails hurt me when you touch my privates.”

It sounds funny out loud but listen, being honest is the best way to communicate at all times. He has to know that you aren’t rejecting him when you pull away; you are in PAIN. So speak up for yourself.

I don’t know if the solution is for him to switch hands, or just come to terms with the fact that you are not his ex.

Good luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: Is There A Way Of Finding Out If My Ex Is The Father Before I’m Pregnant?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: Is There A Way Of Finding Out If My Ex Is The Father Before I’m Pregnant?

2008-07-07T15:10:00.001-04:00

Dear Veltis:
Since I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago, I have slept with 4 guys, two of them twice. All of them are cool guys, but I can only think of my ex. I broke down and called him but he says he's not sure he wants to get back together because he thought I would wait for him to come back and not sleep with anyone. Meanwhile, we had sex, just before he told me that. Oh and btw, I am late for my period and I don't know which guy could be the father if I am pregnant. Is there any way to find that out before it's too late. (From Anonymous)

Veltis:
Holy Jerry Springer! Don't you think it's too late now? How on earth did you sleep with four guys in less than a month? Sorry, make that five, including your boyfriend.

My first bit of advice is that you should get a pregnancy test and checked out for STDs immediately. It would be good to know where you stand and not panic just yet.

Then, I think you should see professional counseling. You must see why you are engaging with so many sexual partners, in such a short period of time. A good professional can hash things out with you and get to the core of the problem. It will help you immensely.

I’m not a doctor but only guessing that your break up damaged a good deal of what you had left of your self-esteem. If you are pregnant, or if you want to be a mother some day, you must do this for your own mental well being, ok. Good luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: I’m Not Pregnant But I Have An STD. What Do I Do Now?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: I’m Not Pregnant But I Have An STD. What Do I Do Now?

2008-06-18T15:20:00.002-04:00

Dear Veltis:
I’m following up to my earlier question you answered for me (Is There A Way Of Finding Out If My Ex Is The Father Before I’m Pregnant?). Thanks your suggestions and thanks for not making fun of my situation. I knew I was doing some messed up things. I found out that I am not pregnant. But I did find out that I had Gonorrhea. I’m taking medicine for that so I should be fine in a few weeks. And I am in therapy. I had to tell all of the guys I slept with that I contracted Gonorrhea and most of those jerks denied that they could possibly have it. I got it from someone. Three of them didn’t seem too interested in getting checked. They were just pissed at me. One of them said he was actually going to get checked. I’m just concerned that they are spreading it without knowing it, or don’t even care. My ex is still my ex, but he’s been very supportive. Even though he was the last guy I slept with, luckily he did not get it (the STD). I guess my question is what do you think I should do from here? (From Anonymous)

Veltis:
I am so happy you took my suggestions! I can’t tell you how lucky you are. Gonorrhea is curable. Many STDs aren’t. I definitely notice a change in you. You seem much more mature and responsible.

Stay in therapy. It will help guide you through this transition. Depend on supporters, friends, family, whom ever you rely on when in need.

You did the right thing by contacting your recent sexual partners to tell them the news. It’s now their responsibility to do the right thing for themselves and their other partners. Who you got it from is insignificant. This is not a time to point the blame. Think about ways you can avoid being at risk in the future.

Also, although your ex is there for you, unless you’re getting back together, you should have more time away from him so you can fully heal from the break up, which I believe caused your promiscuous behavior in the first place. Meet up for lunch or platonic gatherings. Don’t “end up” having sex with him by spending too much time with him all alone. It’s too easy and he won’t respect you for it. Stand your ground; because although he’s confused about the role he wants to play in your life, you can’t afford to be confused. It’s your life, so take charge of it.

Good luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: Her Mom Hates Me. What Can I Do?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: Her Mom Hates Me. What Can I Do?

2008-06-07T14:46:00.001-04:00

Dear Veltis:
Things are going really good with my girlfriend and I. Over the holidays we both decided to take eachother to see our parents. Everything went fine when I took her to see my mom and dad. She even got a long with my sister. But when I went over to meet her family, her mom kept giving me dirty looks and making insulting remarks. I didn’t want to be disrespectful, but I don’t deserve this. What can I do? This could be my future mother-in-law! (John St. Paul, MN)

Veltis:
Sorry to hear that you are going through this John.

Friends and family can get pretty defensive about anyone coming into their loved one's lives. It could be a fear of you taking her away or that you might mistreat her in some way.

I think your best option would be to ask your girlfriend to do a bit of mediating and have a talk with her mother. She knows her mother better than anyone so maybe she can sort this whole thing out for you.

Another option would be to spend time with her so she can realise your intentions.

Good luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: How Can I Get Someone To Notice Me?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: How Can I Get Someone To Notice Me?

2008-05-21T04:44:00.003-04:00

Dear Veltis:
How can I get this guy at my school to notice me? (Anonymous)

Veltis:
Well, I don’t recommend trying to be noticed in a physical way, because it has no affect unless you just want him to sleep with you and you don’t want a relationship out of this. You’ll have to actually introduce yourself by speaking to him. If you like him, you have probably been watching him for a while. Think about the things he already likes, wears, or does. Get creative, how does any of those things relate to you and the things in your life. Use them to break the ice.

Examples:
Hey where did you get your jacket? I was going to get one just like that for my brother / cousin. How did you do on the pop quiz? I noticed you had the fish for lunch. How was that?

Just start the conversation.

Good luck, sweetie!

Options:
o The Next Question: Do Guys Fake Orgasms?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: Do Guys Fake Orgasms?

2008-05-10T04:38:00.003-04:00

Dear Veltis:
I was just wondering if guys ever fake orgasms. (Tanya from Staten Island, NY)

Veltis:
Tanya, I don’t know why you would think I would know, but I have to say that after reading your question,I was curious as well. I asked a guy-friend if this was true and he said, YES. They don’t fake the actual ejaculation, but sometimes they add extra vocal and physical effects to enhance their partner’s experience.

Shocking.

Options:
o The Next Question: How Can I Get Over A Guy Who Says That He’s Emotionally Unavailable?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: How Can I Get Over A Guy Who Says That He’s Emotionally Unavailable?

2008-04-30T04:32:00.005-04:00

Dear Veltis:
I was picked up by this guy at the grocery store, ok. He seduced me, but then told me the following day that he was still not over his ex and he was emotionally unavailable. BUT he also said that he wanted to be friends. After that we had sex again and he was saying how it’s great that we can still be friends. It’s been a few weeks and we’ve been doing the same speech and it kinda cheapens to whole thing. It’s like he’s not sure what we are doing is right or something. What should I do about this? I don’t care that we are friends with benefits, but it's like we’re breaking up all the time we get together. I like him but I am so confused. (Chaz from NYC)

Veltis:
Emotionally Unavailable? What the hell is that? His behavior is awful, but he’s only doing this because you are allowing it. I am not sure if he gets some kind of thrill out of this almost as if he is reliving some kind of fantasy of breaking up with his ex.

If you want a relationship that could mean more, then you are going about it all wrong. Do not have sex with strangers. At this point your detached “friend” thinks you are extremely DESPERATE! He thinks he can treat you any way he wants and you’ll just accept it.

You have to make a decision not to accept this painful scenario ever… from anyone… or just take it.

Once you’ve decided to stop this insanity you need to set some rules. If you want sexual arrangement, make that clear. Your partners aren’t allowed to talk to you about their ex or their FEELINGS no matter what they are. Save you the whole speech and get undressed.
It’s totally your call.

And remember moving on is always an awesome option! There are lot's more grocery stores out there.

Good luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: How Can I Undo I Love You?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: How Can I Undo "I Love You"?

2008-04-06T01:35:00.001-04:00

Dear Veltis:
I made a big mistake and blurted out that I loved my girlfriend during sex. Now she is all over me doing all of these special things for me. I really like her but I just don't want to hurt her feelings. How can I fix this? (From Evan in Staten Island, NY)

Veltis:
It's totally natural to say you love someone in the heat of the moment, but unfortunately you can't undo this one, Evan.

If you don't love her and don't think that you ever will, it's time you tell her the truth so the both of you can move on. It will hurt her feelings!

If you are not sure how you feel then be honest with that too and you should keep an open mind. Being that you are a couple, things were going in the love direction anyway.

Good Luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: How Can I Get My Ex Back For Good?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: How Can I Get My Ex Back For Good?

2008-03-17T15:48:00.001-04:00

Dear Veltis:
I have been with my bf for 1 year and we broke up and got back together again. But now we broke up again 2weeks ago. Now this weekend we hung out and we ended up having sex again. I know it was wrong but I can't say no to him. I want to get back together with him, but this time afterwards he didn't talk about getting back together. He just said he would call me next week. I've been crying ever since. Please tell me what can I do to get him back for good? (Anonymous)

Veltis:
He may actually have strong feelings for you but you are making it way too easy for him to walk in and out of your life. Being so available to him whenever he wants sets you up to look DESPERATE in his eyes.

At this point it may be too late because he's spoiled and used to being in charge of the relationship while you suffer.

I also think that you have to consider why you keep breaking up.

I think that it is time that you put the breaks on the revolving door.

Stop hanging out with him and become unavailable. Tell him straight to his face, you are willing to be with him in a committed romantic relationship but you don't have time for anything else.

By setting boundaries you are sending him a direct message that you are not DESPERATE. It just might turn the tables and make him do some real soul searching about his feelings for you. If he’s gone, then at least you have some closure and be available to meet your one and only Mr. Right.

Good Luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: Is My Boyfriend Seeing Someone Else?
o Dating Menu

You Asked: Is My Boyfriend Seeing Someone Else?

2008-03-01T00:24:00.001-05:00

Dear Veltis:
My boyfriend has been distant lately. He never takes me out like he used to and we definitely don't have sex of any kind anymore. We hardly talk. I don't know what to do because I still love him and I don't want to loose him. I am afraid he is seeing someone else. Do you think he is? (Anonymous)

Veltis:
All the signs point to what you fear, but all we know is that something has his attention and it's not you. It could be anything from pressures at work to something medical. You just don't know.

Ultimately, you must confront him, but don't accuse.

Also, in the desire to want to know the truth, you must be prepared to know how to handle the truth. If he is seeing someone else, what is your plan? Think about the possibilities and your options, good, bad, or ugly. If you can do that before confronting him, you will be better prepared.

Good luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: Is My Girlfriend Cheating On Me?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: Is My Girlfriend Cheating On Me?

2008-02-23T15:06:00.002-05:00

Dear Veltis:
I found a used condom in my girlfriend's trashcan. She said that he was just playing around with it and was testing me to see how jealous I would get. Do you think she is cheating on me? (Thomas G. from NYC)

Veltis:
It's hard to tell if she is cheating or not. Her insecurity seems to be the source of her behavior, which has now surfaced doubt about her commitment to be your girlfriend. Maybe this is her way of getting your attention and fulfils her desire to see you display how much you care about her.

Right now you are playing right into her hands. You are still wondering if she's really yours or not. If this game-play of unnecessary drama is okay with you then you guys are a perfect match.

If you really want a drama-free relationship with her, have a talk with her about this behavior and explain to her why it’s not acceptable. Verbalize your feelings and frustration. But most important of all, listen to her as well. She must open up about what’s really bothering her and causing her to act out in such an immature way.

Good luck Thomas!

Options:
o The Next Question: What Are Some Good Places To Find A Date?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: What Are Some Good Places To Find A Date?

2008-02-16T02:11:00.005-05:00

Dear Veltis:
Some people say that in order to meet a good quality date you should look in places like church, the Laundromat, and the grocery store. Is that true? And do you have any suggestions? (Anonymous)

Veltis:
I don't know about that theory because you can meet good quality people anywhere. They don't suddenly become bad when they go to nightclubs and bars. Date without limits.

Everywhere is a good place. Just pay attention to the people around you, on the elevator, at the deli, on the train, and strike up a conversation. The key is that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you get the right one.

Good luck!

Options:
o The Next Question: How Can I Get Him To Spend Time With Me Instead Of Sneaking Around Me?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: How Can I Get Him To Spend Time With Me Instead Of Sneaking Around Me?

2008-01-10T14:39:00.001-05:00

Dear Veltis:
There is a guy that I like very much and I think he likes me. We’ve been kinda talking for about 4 weeks. He never responds to my calls or texts but when we hang out together he mentions things randomly like a stalker. He sometimes say things that he found out about me from my Twitter or my Facebook page. I’m confused. It’s a little creepy, but if he’s just shy, maybe I can help him to open up more. How can I get him to spend time with me instead of sneaking around me? (Anonymous)

Veltis:
I’ll be honest. This doesn’t look good at all and I hope you don’t think that I am coming down hard on you with what I am about to say.

First of all, at 4 weeks of dating, there should be no confusion. After 3 months together, a little confusion is ok. This is your honeymoon phase. This is the time you should be enjoying each other’s company.

Secondly, no one can “get” another person to do something and shouldn’t try to. He knows what he’s doing and likes doing it! You are hopeful there is a chance there is a Prince Charming underneath the weirdness. However he has serious behavioral issues that will not change without years of therapy.

Secondly, not returning your phone calls and text messages is a DEMEANING, DISRESPECTFUL and DISMISSIVE act. He is sending a direct message to you that he only thinks of you as an object to be used for his distant pleasure and NOT A REAL PERSON TO RELATE WITH! The saddest part of all is that YOU ARE ACTUALLY LETTING HIM treat you this way. He tosses random disturbing comments at your feet as if they were tokens of affection to keep you wondering where you stand in his universe.

Do you want to be treated respectfully and one day meet your soul mate? You’ll need to stop engaging with him. No calls. No text. He doesn’t return them anyway. On Facebook you can even change your settings so he is limited of what he can see on your profile. Block him if you have to. Be careful what personal information you tweet.

You can however approach him on the subject (when you just so happen to be hanging out together, which is no accident either) and tell him that his behavior is unacceptable. It is not a stroke of genius that I know that he will pretend he knows nothing about it. But it will shake him up a bit and he might move on to a less intelligent victim he can have a dysfunctional relationship with.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

Options:
o Next Topic: What Should I Do If He Hacked My Computer?
o The Main Dating Menu

You Asked: What Should I Do If He Hacked My Computer?

2008-01-09T10:05:00.004-05:00

Dear Veltis:
I met a guy I really like about two months ago, visiting from Paris. We hit it off but he had to leave to go back home. He paid for me to spend two weeks with him in Paris and I did. We had a wonderful time and now I am back home. It's been about a week and I got a disturbing message from him telling me that he hacked into my ISP account and has been monitoring my messages with other guys online. I feel violated by this, but I really like him. He's coming to visit me in a week. What should I do? (James from Teaneck, NJ)

Veltis:
This is a tough one. I disapprove of spying of any kind, but what makes this especially hard is that there is so much more going on under the surface of this situation.

I think that it is obvious that this guy really likes you! You spent some significant time together for two weeks straight together. He misses you and wanted to hold on to you. Unfortunately spying was his way (the wrong way, I might add).

What I have to ask you is, now that you've met that special guy, why are you still talking to other guys?

You are locked in "date as many prospects as you can" mode, regardless of actually meeting someone special.

If you truly like him, you must have an honest talk with him. You must be firm and let him know that you cannot go forward with him spying on you like this no matter the reasons. And you've got to step up to the plate and be honest with him about the kind of relationship you want with him. Will it be exclusive or an open relationship? Clearly define it and stick to it.

Good luck!

Options:
o The Main Dating Menu

I LIKE YOU!!!

2007-12-29T21:01:00.001-05:00

I Like You

Animation by Camilla Eriksson and music by On Track Mind.

eBliss.com

2007-12-29T20:58:00.001-05:00

eBliss.com

Hey... You may never know where you'll find love.

The Eligible Bachelor

2007-12-29T20:52:00.002-05:00

There are so many interesting people out there to date if you are a single person. Here's an interesting prospect.

The Eligible Bachelor